Random Odd Facts

I broke my wrist once rollerblading. I tried out for Jeopardy and passed the written exam. I have no tattoos. I cannot blow bubbles with gum. I vastly prefer ATM machines to tellers. I drank too much once, threw up and then passed out on a sidewalk. I have flashed it all at Mardi Gras. I am a good swimmer. I got a yellow belt in karate when I was 12. I drive an Acura RSX. Fonzie from Happy Days kissed my head when I was about 7. I went skydiving for my 30th birthday. I ran with the bulls in Pamplona…twice. I cannot play any musical instrument. I hold a Series 7 license. I always wear my seatbelt. I know all the words to “Ice Ice Baby”. I can roll my r’s. I am an only child. Dogs and children like me. I have been yelled at by a golf-park ranger. I don’t enjoy cake. I’ve snuck into a few concerts. In one hour, I can make 20 3 minute eggs. I cannot juggle. I lose a lot of umbrellas. I am a pretty good skier. I will kick anyone’s butt at NHL Hockey on the old Sega Genesis. I like shoes, but I prefer to be barefoot. I am pretty non-religious, with slight Jewish tendencies. I read about 25 books a year. I enjoy driving fast. I can wiggle my ears. I love to play tennis. I believe Kobe is innocent and OJ is guilty.

Natalie, you are should know about Pong!

I have a client who uses MSN Instant Messenger to annoy me during the day off and on. Well, first off the bat, her name truly isnt Natalie. Thats her "Charlie's Angels" name (that should speak volumes right there). She has also gone by Zolla. And ZoLaLa. And Luckystar. And Gawiiiid. Possibly some other names, but rarely does she use her real name, Sarah. My best friend at the company has other nicknames for her, of which the only G rated one I can utter is "Nemesis".

For the most part, Sarah is cool. She is pretty friendly, honest, and silly and prompt when helping me out with work related information and so forth. She is very knowledgeable and seems to do a good job. Now that I have included that information, (so she doesnt totally hate me after reading this) I can get to the purpose of this blog entry. She is one bizarre woman. I wish I had saved all of my instant messenger sessions with her..because I find myself scratching my head when she messages me, more often than actually getting useful information from her or for her. But this one was the one of the most...eye opening..or at least, it was to me.

I believe I am pretty well rounded, and grew up in a good family, in a large city, had a solid education, some very intelligent and caring teachers and friends..etc..but regardless, one day recently I sent this to Sarah over IM for fun:



She asked: "What is 0302"?
I responded: "Its pong...you know"
Silence.
"What is Pong?"

What the fuck do you mean, what is pong?!?!

"The game..pong..the old video game"
"I don't play video games"..and then a few seconds later: "My friend here also hasnt ever heard of pong"

Am I wrong here? Dont most people know about PONG?!!?!? That is, if you are around 30-40 years old, you most likely had a friend who had the precursor to the Atari 2600 with pong, or you had pong on that Atari. You may recall Pac-Man and Space Invaders, but Pong precedes them all! I was dumbfounded.

I asked my wife. She knew pong. Phew. My buddy that calls her "Nemesis", of course knew it. His fiance knew it. His buddy knows it. The 22 year old girl in my office knew it..and she was possibly a bit iffy based on age. My boss knew it. So, Sarah, it aint me! It is you.

The girl who has never heard of "Pong".

Well...now ya know...right? If not..check the below links ok? :) I might have to get you the second one for your birthday/holiday season.

The History of Pong

Amazon book: The Ultimate History of Video Games: From Pong to Pokemon--The Story Behind the Craze That Touched Our Lives and Changed the World

The Migration of the Shoe(s).

Do you have a wife, girlfriend, fiance or female partner or roommate? If so, you probably have also witnessed this amazing phenomenon. I called it "The Migration of the Shoe", but it has also been dubbed "Flight of the Flats", "Pumps on Parade" or simply "Laziness".

I have been studying this mesmerizing activity daily for easily the last 6 years, but I am sure it happens around the world, daily. Now, you may think I am hinting at the disease that is coded into women's DNA to own as many shoes as possible..but I am not. That is another study altogether. No, what I am talking about is when the female comes home from work, the gym, shopping, seeing friends..she removes her shoes. This is understandable, for the human foot enjoys "breathing" fresh air, and not living in the solitude of a sock and then a dark shoe. The problem, is that the shoes, who normally prefer to live in a closet of sorts, tend to enjoy seeing their other shoe friends in the living room. So they gather there. Well, you have your work shoes, and then the early morning/late evening comfy slippers, and possibly some gym or walking shoes..and after 3 or 4 days, 1 or more pairs of shoes become less of a small gathering and more into a large and angry mob.

Call me anal, call me a metro-sexual, or simply call me clean; I prefer to generally clean up my shoes, gym clothes, jacket, work papers..etc. Or at the very least, keep all my bills and things that need to be addressed, in one little area..on my desk. The problem is her small mob of shoes..isnt limited to one pile. Theres a pile in the bedroom...and 2 or 3 in the living room. And one near the front door. And sometimes a pair in the bathroom. Now, I admit, sometimes I have some jeans hangin' out relaxing on the floor from a previous hard days work sitting in a chair...and occasionally there might be some cd or roll of film in a place it shouldnt be. But lets not make mountains out of molehills..because we have the Cascades, Sierra Nevadas and Pyrenees in our apartment..and I cannot wait until we move int our house..we might need to actually have some sort of geographical designation for her new mountain range!

So, the question is..do I put away her shoes, day after day, just throwing them into the closet and having them rear their ugly heads in there? Or do I pick up some hiking boots and a pick and tent at REI?

VoIP and Cable Modems

This is more of a poll, than a rant, vent, funny story..etc.
So if you do not already know about VoIP, its time you do. This is voice-over-i-p, which means buying a little box and doing away with verizon or whomever as your phone service and switching to vonage or ATT. It means paying about $25 a month for UNLIMITED calling through your DSL/Cable modem, instead of regular phone line and 40, 50, 80 a month. It means..I want to get it..but I dont know as much about it..but I have sucked it up, bought the router..and just havent connected it yet.

So a few questions for anyone and everyone..I have DSL now..and it basically works fine, except when Verizon sucks ass, which is about once every 6 weeks or so (see some of my previous entries about technical support), and I have to call them up and whine and yell like an angry psycho and then I get a free month and they fix my connection a day later. But my speed is kinda weak for DSL, so is it worth switching to cable modem? Seems like a pain in the ass, renting a modem, getting some sort of other hub so my wife can use it on her comp too, and its 10-15 more a month anyways..but you know..downloading those illegal movies, mp3s, porn, video games..whatever..is soooo much better when its FAST!


In the immortal words of Dr. Ian Malcom: "Must go faster!"

Anything I should know or ask about? Any problems you've had? What about VoIP? Anyone love it? Hate it? Good or bad experiences, customer support, billing and payments..etc? Whatever your thoughts, I'd love to hear it.

Dear Visa,

Dear Visa,

What can I say? We've been through alot together. I remember meeting you when I was only 19. You were sitting there, all discreetly in the mail, with those gleaming rates peeping out from your foggy envelope window. You were smitten, you told me how responsible I seemed, what a great fit we'd be, and you were willing to go all the way right away. I've never been so caught off guard, and yet so comfortable.

And you treated me right. You bought me a nice new bed, and didn't mind if I saw other girls. God, I loved that space. You were so reliable, like a regular booty call. But we both know it was more, so much more. I became dependent on you. And you never let me down.

You even bought meals and drinks for my other dates. Steadfastly knowing that I'd be back, usually by the end of the month. I love you Visa. You took me to Europe and Hawaii. You took me to concerts, and bought me cds and clothes, I didn't even have to ask. Just a glance and you were there.

But then you became testy, and then down right obsessed. Your notes, while seemingly charming, were unsettling. I sent my regards whenever I could, but you always wanted more. And you'd throw it back in my face. I couldn't do for you they way you did for me. Rather, you wanted more. And you never let up.

Well Visa, I want you to know that I wrote you AGAIN today- and this was the last time. We're even now, I don't owe you a thing. And having achieved this balance, I think its best we see other people.

You've been great, just not what I need or am looking for at this time.

I hope you understand, I'm sure you'll be okay, but you just want too much. I can walk away, now, knowing I did you right. I'll miss you, but theres just no good reason to continue.

Goodbye, Visa. Thanks for understanding.

Your friend,

Josh

The Woodburn Tulip Festival

These are just a few shots from the amazing Woodburn Tulip Festival (about 45 min drive south of Portland, OR) that is held each year frm the end of March until mid April. My wife and I were there last Saturday, and I literally went berzerk and shot tons of pictures..and some that were possibly more interesting possibly than these..but these give you a small idea of what these beautiful fields have to offer...and no, they were NOT photoshopped to enhance color or contrast..etc.

Save the Independents!

I hate Hollywood. I really do. No, it certainly is not the reason I moved to Portland. God knows I miss the amount of theaters, especially hip independent theaters that populate LA and are hard to find in the City of Roses. But the reason I despise Hollywood is because they keep making these incredibly mundane movies like "Sahara". Now, I have nothing against Matthew McConuaghahehehehee, because I know he can act, or at least charm girls with his Texan drawl and 5 o'clock shadow. So he is obviously doing it for the money. But this movie..lets see..might this describe this movie (and a high percentage of Hollywood's mini blockbusters): a man stumbles across some ancient hidden treasure, a woman scientist type is attracted to him but despises his rude/sarcastic behavior, a plot is found out that could jeopardize millions, a comedian type comes along for the ride, the woman falls for the guy, the hero saves the USA/planet/galaxy, and the bad guy dies in the end.
How many movies does this encapsulate? Sahara? The Mummy? National Treasure? Most Stallone, Steven Seagal, Van Damme, The Rock, Travolta fill in the blank lame as hell movie that Middle America ensure will be number 1?!

Ok, I admit it. I am a movie snob. There, I have said it. I am sorry...but I'd barely get any of those movies on Netflix, let alone pay 6, 8, 10 dollars to go see one of them. Of course, everyone has some guilty pleasure movies that arent terribly great, that you just want to see some big cool effects, big cool boobs, and mediocre acting, and an even worse plot. EXCEPT..a blockbuster action movie can be done pretty well like "The Bourne Supremacy"...it can be somewhat campy/cheesy but still good like "Spiderman"...it can be unique and cool like "Kill Bill" and it can be a piece of shit like "The Chronicles of Riddick" (which was only missing the comedian role in my generic plot listed above).

Yes, "Riddick" had some interesting art direction and snazzy effects. Yeah, Vin Diesel has some pretty big muscles. His IQ and acting skills are also hovering just around the "rice pilaf" level. Do I hate Hollywood for making these movies? I am not sure. Maybe I hate America itself..the stupid, moronic masses that think "Soul Plane", "40 Days and 40 Nights", "Dude, Where's My Car"..and I could go on and on..are great movies, worth their hard earned dollars..etc.

Maybe there needs to be 2 theaters in each..mall/parking lot. One called the Moronic Megaplex, and the other for people whose cultural level is somewhere above Tulsa, Oklahoma (umm..no hard feelings Oklahomans..but there is probably not much cultural diversity and so forth there..and the name was just convenient!). So you got "White Chicks", "Starsky & Hutch", and "The Pacifier" in one theater and "Amelie", "Memento", and "Donnie Darko" in the other. Maybe those arent the best choices, and those final 3 movies arent my FAVORITE films, but I happen to enjoy them all, own all 3 on dvd, and think each was unique, wonderful, enjoyable..etc..and all 3 started off as an indepedent movie (or foreign)..and got a slightly wider release as it earned some "street cred".

Theres about 3 blockbusters a year, that are actually..quality, in my less than humble opinion. "Pirates of the Carribean" actually fits that mold. I am actually looking forward to "War of the Worlds". "Star Wars - Epiode III" will suck as usual, but I still want to see it bad.


Mmm...yeah...

Sigh.

I wish I liked the dumb movies that entertain us all. I really wish I did.
and I have no clever way to wrap up this blog entry..so..please..save your money, read a book.

Pizza Disposal Service!

So you had a few friends over last night, eh?
You a little peckish, you ordered some pizza. And now, the next morning you wake up and there is the huge empty box that wont ever fit in any normal garbage can and you cant throw it away cause there is a perfectly good slice left among the mire of uneaten crusts that your momma's boy woosy friend couldn't trouble himself to finish.
I know the drill.
I've been there before, friend.
Fortunately, help is near. Calm down, don't panic, pick up the phone and call me. I am a qualified pizza disposal technician on call at all times. And I am glad to do it.

No anchovies please.

The Real Ultimate Power

This has got to be the best website EVER. And make sure you click YES.

My Daily Itinerary

6:41
Hit alarm off or snooze depending on mood.

6:48-7:51
Get ready for work, and depart 10 minutes late.

8:24
Arrive at work.

8:25-9:14
Check local Portland, Oregon forum online and answer the inane posts like "what did you eat yesterday". Annoy forum owner with anti-Republican posts. On long days - as a personal contest - attempt to elicit the most responses with the shortest possible posting. Personal record: 8 responses to a 3 word posting.

9:15-10:47
Work.

10:48-11:28
Check ESPN, CNN and a few other websites. Answer hotmail messages. Check new job listings in all categories in case a job that requires endless internet surfing, creative writing, and a sense of community has materialized. Retire this search with a sense of idle depression, since nothing materializes.

11:29-12:02
Work.

12:03-1:08
Lunch. Either I brought a sandwich, leftovers, or I have to go out and get food.

1:09-2:18
Check my blog and a potentially post a "what happened to me yesterday that sucked" post. Check personal ads on Craiglist. Realize the desperation of most people, laugh at the 80+ year old w4m, feel deep revulsion for married-wanna-be-cheating guys. Check casual encounters out of curiosity, shake head at m4w and their almost assured lack of success, check m4m to see how outrageous they are. Count how many “Strictly Platonic” postings are not. Check “General” and “Activity Partners” for good measure.

2:19-3:31
Work.

3:33-3:41
Ensure a break has been taken. Resist urge to snack on granola bar.

4:13- 4:47
Work briefly, then quickly check Hoopsworld and my blog again to see if comments have been made. Send IM messages to annoy colleagues.

4:48-5:00
Work.

5:01
Go home.

5:18-10:17
Have life*

10:19- 11:28
Answer email that got bumped in lieu of internet-surfing. Yawn, stretch, and go to bed.

11:31-5:32
Sleep.

5:34-5:36
Pee.

5:37-6:40
Sleep.

Repeat.

*Includes friends and outdoor activity, weather permitting. Winter agenda is heavily skewed towards gym/movie/dinner.

The Art of Gifting...

I am constantly challenged by finding an appropriate gift for my wife..and my mom too, while were at it. I try to find unique things..and I even made one of her necklaces.
I am lucky to have found Jonara Blu's blog..as she and her sis make some pretty creative jewlery..and to top it off, are in Maui, where I got married..so it has an extra appeal. Theres some pretty snazzy stuff, and I wish I could get about 10 items they have..some of which are already pending sales unfortunately. But I certainly do not need 10 bracelets..nor do I want to spend $500 at the moment.

So far, I have bought my wife 4 necklaces..of which she wears 3 and is too lazy to fix one. I have also got her 2 or 3 bracelets. 3 pairs of earrings. And lets not forget to count about 5 or 6 rings. And 2 watches. Countless bouquets of flowers..some of which were actually out of love and not because I was a bad boy. I also did buy her a maxed-out Cuisinart..and before you say anything, she had made it quite clear on numerous occasions that she desperately wanted one. Ok, I also took her to Maui for her birthday when we were not even engaged. And I put up a decent portion of the funds to take her to Europe too, so there :P

For our wedding we actually received a re-gift. Now I know we have all received re-gifts from time to time..and possibly even given one or two out..and I am not talking about at a "White Elephant Xmas Party". No, we received Nambe Salt & Pepper shakers from a family friend I have known for over 30 years. Normally, most Nambe stuff is actually kind of stylish and can appeal to many people. These however, are mariachi maraca shaped and you are supposed to shake your pepper and salt out at your food (I am assuming without the corresponding mariachi sound effects). Ok, an ugly item, but maybe not a re-gift you say? Maybe just..poor..judgement on taste? Well, the give-away was the thank you card left inside from the previous owner of the item! So, needless to say, it was a real pain to try to return them, since they were purchased from a store not in California..etc...and after much debate, they were sold on eBay.
So, I am not a fan of giving gifts that I think might be re-gifted (or simply thrown away or never used).

So what do you guys think..is Jonara Blu's stuff cool and fun (albeit not necessarily super elegant) jewelry? Too homemade looking? Beautiful? Too island-like? To me, much of it looks like a good spring or summer piece..the ankletes and necklaces and bracelets..most are very pretty. But I can always use a woman's opinion :)

Dead Like Me is unfortunately, dead

A truly wonderful show, cancelled.

This follows a long line of shows that my wife and I seem to enjoy that get cancelled a bit too early. "Party of Five", "Boomtown", "Push, Nevada"..all canned. I heard rumblings that "The Contender" (a decent reality tv show) might get pulled. We watched a lame reality program once, "The Family", that was yanked about 5 episodes in. I am now afraid to start new shows, because after I get sucked in, they are going to get cancelled prematruely. My wife and I started watching "Grey's Anatomy" a couple weeks ago. It has a good cast and shows a lot of promise. It is also on Sunday nights at 10pm. Lookout!

"Dead Like Me" was different than most shows. A truly unique concept for starters..not just another medical drama or cop show, it was about an 18 year old girl, whow as hit by a toilet seat falling from the sky (off of a space station) that killed her. However, instead of going to the afterlife, she became a grim reaper...she would pop someones soul out of their skin just before the moment of death, so the soul could move on to the afterlife without pain. It had wonderful acting..and did not really include any marquee names. Sure, you might recognize Jasmine Guy or Mandy Patinkin, but other than the occasional guest star, there wasnt any "A" listers. But the acting was top notch, particularly Callum Blue, Mandy Patinkin and Ellen Muth. Even the side characters, such as "Kiffany" and "Dolores Herbig", were terrific and their performances periodically eclipsed those of the stars'.

The writing was top-shelf stuff. The poignant moments and especially the biting sarcasm and humor were terrific. It is definitely what drew my wife and I to the show and kept us seated in front of the tv those nights. Sure, there were some slower episodes..but the writers gave each character solid development..and had most, if not all, run the gamut of emotions in a variety of scenarios..

There is even a petition online to get the show to be picked up by HBO, The WB..someone..anyone. Of course I signed it. My wife did as well. There was one for Boomtown too. All it seemed to do for Boomtown was ensure a DVD was released of the 1st season.

I admittedly do not watch a lot of shows that are considered "good" or are in the upper echelons of the Nielsen ratings. I never got into any of the 12 incarnations of "CSI" or "Law & Order". I do not watch "The West Wing". I do not like the over-acting of "Desperate Housewives" (nor do I appreciate the vindictiveness and portrayal of all men as bumbling idiots..ie Maxim magazine readers). And there are shows I just never watched that plenty of people consider as worthwhile, such as "Frasier", "Chicago Hope", "Everybody Loves Raymond"..etc

Am I doomed to watch Seinfeld re-runs? Am I the Angel of Death for new shows? Am I stuck with Netflix forever?

Please HBO..you are the only good network left. Please pick up the contracts of the actors and writers, take Showtime's dregs and produce this wonderful show.