Maybe he was a Democrat who hated Conservative Fox?

SHEPARD SMITH: You’re live on FOX News Channel, what are you doing?

MAN: Walking my dogs.

SMITH: Why are you still here? I’m just curious.

MAN: None of your fucking business.

SMITH: Oh that was a good answer, wasn’t it? That was live on international television. Thanks so much for that. You know we apologize.


Story found here

7 things

Tagged by ab

I think I came up with lame stuff. Guess I wasnt too into it. Sorry.


Seven things you plan to do before you die:
Note: I made an entire entry about this here
1. Get in good shape..again..cuz its been a while.
2. Retire
3. Set a world record
4. Travel to all the countries and places I truly want to see.
5. Take that racecar driving class in Arizona
6. Be a good father and husband
7. Get a post that has at least 20 comments to it

Seven things you can do:

1. Wiggle my ears
2. Kick your ass at Jeopardy and Trivial Pursuit
3. Be a good sounding board and advice giver
4. Create artwork that some think is kinda spiffy
5. Read books rapidly
6. Urinate into a bowl, standing up..hey, can you do it?
7. Watch a movie many times over and enjoy it each time

Seven things you can't do:

1. Blow bubbles with gum. I am lame (or not an American..or both).
2. Get my legs tan
3. Hang a shelf straight in one try
4. Build up muscles easily
5. Watch the Gilmore Girls
6. Sing
7. Make the type of moola I was making before the dot bombs

Seven things that attract you to the opposite sex:

1. Humor
2. Intelligence
3. Her eyes/smile/face
4. Creativity
5. Sounds weird..but..just..someone cute
6. Lack of blonde hair
7. A great ass

Seven things you say most:

1. Geez, I am f-ing eating..why the hell is someone calling me now?!
2. Honey, are you done in the closet? [/sarcasm]. Cuz you left the light on again!
3. Get off the edge of the street you whore! (when my wife walks on the outside of the street and I am on the inside)
4. Boy the hot water runs out fast....
5. Thats bunk...
6. People on ludes should not be driving...
7. Please..god..just this once..

Seven celebrity crushes:

1. Kate Beckinsale
2. Keira Knightley
3. Monica Belluci
4. Kristin Kreuk
5. Jennifer Connely
6. Zhang Ziyi
7. Jessica Alba

How to get laid

You will need the following ingredients to ensure you get laid tonight:

For the salad:
-1/2 red onion, cut into thin rings
-about 5 cups torn and mixed escarole, romaine and other lettuce (not iceberg)
-2 hardboiled eggs
-4-5 thin slices of serrano ham or proscuitto
-4-5 black olives
-sea salt and pepper
-1 large ripe tomato
-3 tablespoons of good balsamic vinegar
-1/2 cup of extra virgin olive oil

Whisk together the olive oil and a 1/2 teaspoon of salt in a small bowl. Slowly add olive oil while whisking and add salt and pepper to taste. Set aside.

Quarter (or even more) the tomatos and eggs lengthwise and then place them ina nice bowl with the lettuce. Add the onion and olives. Toss.

Cut the proscuitto into 3 inch squares. Arrange around platter and drizzle the salad dressing right before serving.


For the main dish you will need the following:
-1/2 large carrot, sliced thin (not lengthwise)
-1/2 white onion, diced
-3 links (about 4 inches long each) of chorizo sausage
-1 link (4 in) turkey sausage
-1 1/4 cup of bread crumbs
-sea salt and pepper
-3 eggs
-3/4 cup garbanzo beans/chickpeas
-1/2 tomato, diced
-6 cloves of garlic or 1 clove elephant garlic
-1 teaspoon saffron threads
-1/2 cup olive oil + 2 tablespoons
-1 2/3 cups risotto type short grain rice
-oregano, thyme, rosemary
-2 chicken thighs

Get a stockpot and pour in 4 cups of water, the chopped up carrot and onion, and add rosemary, thyme and oregano at your discretion. Bring to a boil, then simmer on medium-low at least 20 minutes.

Preheat oven to 425

Take the sausage meat out of its lining and mash together. Pour the bread crumbs in slowly and continue mixing. Roll into large marble sized balls (small walnut sized). Set aside.

Cut the chicken thighs in half and remove the bones if you desire. Season with salt and pepper. In a pyrex square dish, or ceramic flameproof baking dish, warm a 1/2 cup olive oil in oven. Then add the chicken pieces and brown on all sides, turning as needed, about 6 minutes each side. Remove chicken with tongs or slotted spoon and transfer it to stockpot, reserving the remaining oil in dish.

Warm 2 tablespoons of oil in fry pan and add meatballs and fry until golden brown, about 7 minutes. Using slotted spoon, transfer them to a paper towel to drain.

Using mortar and pestle (or back of a wooden spoon and dish) grind up 1 teaspoon of seal salt with the saffron threads until yellow powder. Set aside.

Cut garlic into thin pieces (as seen in Goodfellas). Add garlic pieces to oil from chicken and saute for about 3 minutes in oven. Remove garlic with slotted spoon and discard. Add the rice to oil/garlic mixture and mix around for 30 seconds. Add diced tomato and stir together another 30 seconds. Add in 3 cups of the stock, and all the chicken and evenly sprinkle in saffron mix. Return to oven for about 12-15 minutes or until most of the liquid is absorbed. The rice should be tender but not entirely soft. If further cooking is necessary, add in more stock. Remove from heat and arrange chickpeas and meatballs on top of rice.

In a small bowl, beat the eggs with whisk and pour them evenly over rice. Immediately transfer to oven and bake until egg crust is opaque and just browning, about 10 minutes. Remove from oven and let sit for 5 minutes before serving. Makes about 5-6 servings or so.

Serve with a bottle of 1999 Conde Valdemar Rioja Reserva (about $17) which can be purchased here.
Other wine choices equally as good:
-2002 Condado de Haza (Ribera del Duero), about $23
-2002 Palacios Les Terrasses (Priorat), about $25

Wait 30 min until after meal, then utilize final ingredients:

-a condom
-comfy bed or table, carpeting, desk, shower
-whip cream
-chocolate sauce
-fresh fruit
-energy

The recipes were purloined from the following book, but with much editing and personal preferences mixed in.

Groped...by a toddler

Sometimes your world takes a turn for the surreal...

As we stood in the middle of the Trader Joe's produce section, trying to decide whether $4 was a good deal for 3 undersized sweet vidalia onions, she came around the corner. 8 years old, going on 28. She'd left her dad at the end of the snack aisle talking on his cell phone with a cart full of overpriced junk food alternatives. Before I could flash my default "what a cute kid" smile, her hand was on my ass as she proclaimed to the world, "I LIKE BOYS!"

And then she was gone.

Turning to me in disbelief, my wife asked, "Did you just get felt up by a preschooler?"

Still reeling a little from the incident, I decided to shake off the trauma and we headed to the dairy section for the $5 cage-free eggs. I almost dropped them when I saw her dad again. Still on the phone....and there she was, coming in for a second pass. I couldn't let it happen again.
With nowhere else to go, I took refuge behind the wife. Thankfully that was enough, as the kid bailed on the attempt and veered off toward the free samples of chocolate covered almonds leaving me shamed, bewildered, and cowering behind my 5 ft 4 tall wife and bodyguard.

As we warily made our way to the register, I could only think to myself "Her dad is going to pay for that phone call..." From now on, I am letting my wife do the shopping.. and when I do come along or go by myself, I am not going to Trader Joe's but to Haggen or Albertson's instead..at least I can outrun the 70 year old ladies.

Peeing with a boner

It really sucks peeing when you've got a boner. Especially at 4 in the morning when you can't really think straight. Luckily this has happened before so I had the presence of mind on this occasion to sit down to pee instead of trying to aim an arc of urine from far away over the bathmat and into the toilet bowl. This method causes major splashback and results in lots of pee ending up on the floor, toilet seat back, and sometimes shower curtain/door and/or mirror, and possibly on my body.

But it's a delicate act, peeing with a boner, even while sitting down. It's painful- really painful to force your engorged member underneath the rim, where it brushes against the inside of the bowl (which is cold and revolting) and then having to lean way over so that the damn thing points down instead of straight out where it almost always manages to shoot out between the rim and the seat, which results in pee on your leg, boxers, floor, and possibly the door or wall across from the toilet, depending on how bad you really have to go. Sometimes in mid-stream it will get the better of you (it's a surprisingly springy contraption). You think it's resting safely and securely so you decide to risk reaching over for some toilet paper - and BAM! It pops out from your firm hold and relinquishes a torrent of pee on your hands and anything else in its line of sight which usually includes your face, chest, towels, pets, etc.

And even then, even if you've accomplished all of this, you will not be able to pee in a normal, free-flowing stream. You will have to pee in short, girly little bursts because it refuses to come out in a steady fashion for some reason- possibly because of the contortionist act you're putting your poor member in, bent down in such an unnatural fashion.

Eventually, after say, ten minutes of leaning over and pointing down, alternating between having the tip of your dick either against the toilet bowl or in the toilet water, pissing in squirts, you're finally done. And after you either congratulate yourself on not having pissed all over yourself and the bathroom, or you wipe all the urine off of your hands, face, towels, mirror, shower curtain/door, walls, dog, and any other place it probably hit, you give yourself a pat on the back and go back to bed, praying to God that you may never have to pee with a boner again.

But you do. Almost every single morning.

Unfortunately named authors...

It is unfortunate when you meet or hear of someone with a humorous name..and you try your hardest not to smile and giggle. My father went to Korea for business and told me he nearly lost it when he was introduced to "Cum Suk Dong". There was a kid in my high school named "Chris Fagit". Another tragedy.
So I thought I'd look up some crazy authors on Amazon. Heres what I have found..


Every Last Cent (A Lovejoy Novel) by Jonathan Gash



Suleyman the Magnificent and His Age: Ottoman Empire in the Early Modern World by Metin Kunt (Editor), Christine Woodhead (Editor)


Arabische Kultur und Islam im Mittelalter: Ausgewählte Schriften by Johann Fück



Straight from the Horse's Mouth: The Orkney Herald 1950-1961 - The Paper and Its People by Kim Twatt



Hitler and the Holocaust: The Hidden Story by Martin Wank


Roman Political Institutions (History of Civilization) by Leon Homo


Wave Mechanics Applied to Semiconductor Heterostructures by Gerald Bastard



In Search of Personal Welfare: A View of Ancient Chinese Religion (Chinese Philosophy & Culture Series) by Mu-chou Poo


Luga Baraby by T. A Vagina


La science amusante by Tom Tit


Rural Growth in Western States: Economic Development and Environmental Protection by William P. Wanker, et al


Unbelievable But True by Clarence Muff



Le sens de labsurde dans loeuvre dEvelyn Waugh by Yvon Tosser



"Gardeners' World" Through the Years by Gay Search


Super Naturalism of New England by John Greenleaf Shittier


Nova tekstualnost: Ogledi o srpskoj prozi postmodernog doba by Aleksandar Jerkov



Trauma and Ethics in the Novels of Graham Swift by Stef Craps


As you can see, some pretty..unfortunate..names there. All of them can be found on Amazon. So if you are a boy named Dana, or really hate you last name of Snaggletooth..etc. you could be in a far worse situation.

PS - Sorry for adding Word Verification, but I've been a tactical target as of late..cuz normally I dont have 15 comments per entry, cuz no one loves me..ahem..so..uh..instead of false love, word verification is in full effect yo! ;)

The best things that dont exist anymore

Arent you ticked when something you love..isnt made or available anymore? Either the product is UPDATED..or the company went out of business..or some bureaucrat somewhere decided to go with a different line...or whatever.

For example..Aspen soda. Most of you probably are too young to recall Aspen. Im almost 34. So if you were born around 1975 or earlier, you may recall the green can, the crisp green apple soda flavor..ahhh..yeah..good stuff.

Another one..Cool-A-Coos. That is a certain brand of ice cream sandwich, sold at Dodger games amongst other places, and for whatever reason, Dodger brass took it away to be replaced by those frozen cup-o-malt with cheap ass wooden stick/spoon things. Sure, you can get frozen yogurt in a mini Dodger hat with sprinkles..etc..but the Cool-A-Coo..the best.

This is one I mentioned in an earlier blog entry..but.."Dead Like Me". A GREAT show on Showtime. It made it through 2 complete seasons, apparently has this huge cult fanbase, was produced on dvd..etc..and they got some new program manager who up and nuked it. Bastard.

Pioneer chicken. Man..that was good eats! About 10x better than KFC and cheaper I think too. Those chicken strips and dipping sauce were awesome.

Chicken McNuggets Shanghai. McDonald's ran this campaign about 1985 or so. Just McNuggets with 3 different Asian inspired dipping sauces, a fortune cookie and chopsticks..but as a kid, I loved it.

Yogurt Push-Ups. Those were sure good as a kid.

Original Frosted Mini-Wheats. You can probably still find the originals at some stores, in the red box, with actual frosting on them..but they are hard to come by. Now not only do they only pretty much come in "mini" size, but also, theres about a tablespoon of sugar frosting for the entire box. It was nice and sugary on one side which made the bland taste of shredded wheat actually palpatable. Sigh..

Good looking Nike shoes. Does anyone wear Nike anymore? Back in the day Nike was THE shoe..and they had actually decent designs. I think 98% of them all are way fugly now.

*RC Cola. Ok, I know it still exists, but it is much harder to find. Coke or Pepsi? No thanks, I'll take an RC any day of the week!

Umm..I guess I have no comment on this...

Seattle man dies after sex with horse
Police say death was accidental, investigate farm on cruelty suspicions

SEATTLE - A Seattle man died after engaging in anal sex with a horse at a farm suspected of being a gathering place for people seeking to have sex with livestock, police said Friday.

The horse involved in the incident was not harmed, and an autopsy of the unnamed man concluded that “the manner of death was accidental ... due to perforation of the colon,” a police spokesman said.

“The information that we have is that people would find this place via chat rooms on the Web,” said Sgt. John Urquhart of the King County Sheriff’s Department.

Although sex with animals is not illegal in Washington state, Urquhart said that investigators were looking into whether the farm, located in Enumclaw, 40 miles southeast of Seattle, allowed sex with smaller animals that resulted in animal cruelty, which is a crime.

“If you’re talking about sheep or goats, there could be some issues,” Urquhart said.



Check the story here

101 things I love

By request....here are 101 things I love..just so you all know I am not some angst-ridden individual

1. Sleeping
2. Jamocha Almond Fudge Ice Cream at Baskin Robbins
3. Reading a good book
4. Seeing green lights and no cars
5. Mp3s
6. Playing with little kids (not in a pedophiliac way!)
7. Bob Marley and The Smiths
8. Gadgets..because I am a techno-sexual
9. Iron Chef
10. Taking evening walks with my wife
11. My friend Rob's "Ginzo Gravy"
12. Fireworks
13. Travelling around Europe
14. Snow skiing so fast my hair is catching fire
15. That "Smores" pie thing my wife makes about once every 2 years
16. BBQ food..chicken, sausages, salmon..you name it
17. A long hot shower
18. Cold pillows and sheets
19. Porsches (there is no substitute)
20. Looking at old photos
21. Marc Jacobs cologne
22. Seinfeld
23. The way my neck and head feels after a good haircut
24. Watches
25. Watching a Major League game at the stadium
26. Snorkeling in Maui
27. Skydiving
28. Playing tennis with my Dad
29. Attempting golf with my Dad
30. Watching cartoons
31. Riding my bike along the beach in LA
32. Earvin "Magic" Johnson
33. Diddy Riese
34. The occasional joint
35. Looking up at the stars at night
36. Good acting
37. Good scripts
38. Good beer
39. Teaching something I know to someone else
40. Learning new and interesting things
41. Playing a new video game for about a week before I get bored of it
42. March Madness
43. July 4th..and Halloween
44. Enshino's Salmon and white onion cut roll with yellow soy paper
45. The LA Lakers
46. Creating artwork for family and friends
47. Per Diem
48. Going bowling/playing pool after a couple of beers
49. The internet
50. Tits
51. Crate & Barrell
52. Good coffee
53. Lemoncino
54. Seeing concerts outdoors
55. The way a nice looking woman smells
56. Wearing long sleeve tennis shirts made out of the "dri-fit" material
57. Finally finding the right hair product
58. Blowjobs (getting..)
59. Crank Yankers
60. Reading other interesting blogs
61. Laughing at people pulled over for speeding
62. Playing craps in Vega$
63. The first rule of Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club
64. The Shawshank Redemption
65. The Great Escape
66. Watching Most Extreme Elimination
67. My mom's lasagne..and guacamole
68. My wife's turkey burgers, fish tacos, and most everything else
69. Netflix
70. The smell of burnt matches
71. Independent movies
72. Taking a good dump
73. Ginger..and lots of wasabi..with all my sushi
74. Shopping at Costco
75. Watching my mutual funds values go up
76. Reading hoopsworld.com everyday
77. A good yawn
78. A good stretch
79. How my face feels after a good shave
80. The palm trees along the beach in Los Angeles
81. All the parks and trees in Portland, Oregon
82. Theater Pubs in Portland
83. Owning a house
84. The first 2..or 3..Star Wars movies
85. Sex
86. The Onion
87. Onions...
88. My Oma's cooking
89. A good slice of pizza
90. Getting a massage
91. The thought of retirement
92. Adobe Photoshop
93. My wife's smile
94. Strongbad
95. DVDs
96. Marzipan
97. Dogs
98. Corn on the cob
99. Tax refund checks
100. My mom, more than she thinks I do
101. Laughing with my wife

101 things I hate...

Heres a list of 101 things I hate...about everything..

1. Monday mornings
2. Stores that are closed on Sundays
3. Junk mail/calls/email of any kind
4. Babies in general..yes babies
5. Smokers in general
6. People that think that gay marriage will somehow affect their marriage
7. Core classes in college. Thanks for the repeat of high school crammed into 2 years.
8. Humidity
9. Bill O'Reilly
10. Inflation
11. People that think the war on terror can be won
12. Hypocrites
13. People that drive way too fast
14. People that drive slow
15. People who think having loud mufflers is cool
16. The fact that marijuana is illegal
17. The fact that a 3rd party candidate doesn't have a chance in hell of winning the presidency.
18. People who follow their religious beliefs so much that they choose to treat others badly an because they don't share the same beliefs
19. Everything else about religion
20. Paying for parking
21. Ties
22. Greeting Cards
23. Kleenex that isn't soft..and toilet paper for that matter
24. Diet fads (Atkins, low-carb, south beach..etc)
25. MTV
26. Local commercials
27. Stupid people
28. CDs skipping
29. Radio DJs that think they are funny
30. Blonde girls with black eyebrows
31. The fact that cranberries are in like every juice.
32. Actors/singers/athletes who are amateur but become popular because they're good looking
33. Country music
34. That little Black Sprite soda guy
35. Math higher than algebra (a.k.a. useless math for 95% of people.)
36. Fox News
37. Paris Hilton
38. Flossing..and everything involving the dentist
39. Internet abbreviations
40. The fact that all celebrities and athletes thank God for winning something, but they don't blame God for losing.
41. People who think movies like "The Chronicles of Riddick" are good movies
42. The RIAA
43. People who leave their blinker on
44. Mosquitos
45. Whoever is playing the LA Lakers
46. The East Coast bias in sports
47. Answering the telephone
48. Texans..they think their state is just..soooo supreme
49. Florida..everything about it. Yes, I've been there..twice
50. NASCAR
51. Acne
52. Itchy tags in my shirts, pants and boxers
53. Women who curse often
54. 98% of all Reality TV shows (Dat Phan?! Are you serious?! DAT FUCKING PHAN!?)
55. Having every food I enjoy being fattening or bad for me in some fashion
56. People who still write checks in stores
57. Carrot Top
58. Almost every female comedian; please..make a joke about something other than how men suck, or your period.
59. Conservative, Right Wing Assholes
60. Ultra Liberal hippie types..Im on your side guys, but you are making us look like idiots!
61. The eBay bitch who robbed me of $576.98
62. Pop-ups
63. That I'll never go to space
64. Censorship
65. Bands who's single sounds like nothing else on their CD
66. Customer Support
67. The Dodgers management
68. The word "ask" pronounced "aks"
69. This number, and all the jokes that go along with it
70. People who don't turn their bright lights off even after I flash mine
71. Any sitcom made after "Seinfeld"
72. The fact that aliens probably exist, but I'll never live long enough to be sure
73. Mayo
74. When people don't turn of their cell phones in movies
75. Calvin stickers of him pissing on Ford/Chevy/Honda in rear windows
76. Harry Potter fanatics
77. Listening to a cop when he's giving you a ticket
78. Sequels to bad movies
79. Shaving
80. The fact that I'm paying into social security, but I wont receive any when I'm old enough to get it
81. Uncomfortable furniture
82. Medical offices and hair salons with only "Good Housekeeping" magazines
83. When a product I like is discontinued
84. Paper cuts..or any bodily injury/ache
85. The incessant vrrr of my PC's fan
86. Dogs that shit on my lawn
87. Cats..your cat is not different, or cool or fun
88. People that dont flush in public places
89. Burning the roof of my mouth on pizza
90. Biting my tongue
91. Bad breath
92. Nazis and hate crimes
93. Pedophiles
94. My wife leaving out her dirty, smelly dishes all day
95. Spilling something on your new clothes item
96. Girls that follow that "Rules" book
97. Cruelty to animals. Except cats
98. Putting up shelves
99. Taxes
100. Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda
101. Working

Friday Night Meteor Shower and weekend activities

My wife and I were invited by our neighbors to see the annual "Perseid" Meteor Shower in the Northwest on Friday night. So, at about 10pm, after all my friends were busy or bailed and I didn get to go see the Decemberists and the Violent Femmes for $5, we drove up to Bald Peak State Park and got out of the car and laid back on the grass and saw an amazing display of meteors flying in the northeast sky. It was really gorgeous and we had a lot of fun for a few hours.

On Saturday..we would have finished painting the kitchen..but we had a block party/bbq thing to go to..so we had to quit early. The kitchen was painted two colors when we moved in: the breakfast nook was RED and the sink and cabinet area was an off-white. The red was absolutely disgusting. Of course my wife kept changing her mind what to change the kitchen to..yellow, blue, green..etc. Since it opens up into our family room, which is..hot cocoa colored, we wanted something bright. I was kinda hoping for a yellow of sorts..or maybe a cool green, but the wife picked out "Tahoe Blue". Since I did all the prep work (taping/masking, removing outlets, moving everything out of the kitchen), she got the duty to do the final coats of paint; we did the priming together, and I did the bulk of the trim. Any color is better than red, but its coming out like a "Miami-Vice blue"..which isnt my preference. However, we dont have all the stuff back in the kitchen yet, and we now want to change the counters, cabinets and tilework..of course. Most likely it'll all come together..in time. For now, its a step up. I took a break and watched a little of the PGA Championship. Noe understand, I do not ever watch golf. If I do watch golf, its one of the 4 major tourneys. And only if Phil Mickelson is within a couple strokes of winning it. So I watched about 30 minutes or so at the end of the day..go Phil!

Sunday we finished painting, did some other housework that seeimingly never ends..and then saw "The Wedding Crashers" which was hilarious. A decent stupid humor movie for a change. We both enjoyed it. We got home after seeing the matinee and then shopping at the "new" Bridgeport Village and I checked to see if Phil Mickelson won..but it wa spostponed due to rain. See, I went to college with Phil, sat next to him in a few classes, and talked with him..so I always rooted for Leftie. I am NOT a Tiger Woods fan by any means. So they will finish up on Monday morning...go Phil!

Monday..Phil wins with an incredible birdie on 18. Yay! Not like any of you care. But I am happy for him. Always nice to see a good family man, and a good guy..win :)
The bad news? I am at work. Its Monday. Ugh.

Apparently I have been tagged..

So uh...I guess I have to list 10 songs I am digging at the moment. Umm..I did couple more than 10..c'est la vie.


1. Interpol - Evil. This song has been in my head for several months now. I love it, I blast it, I replay it. I like the video. I own the cd. The cd is great. Blah blah blah.

2. Kaiser Chiefs - I Predict a Riot. This one is good to drive fast too...I actually despise driving slow/being stuck in traffic to this song...and I just can picture people moshing to this or whatever.

3. Coldplay - Speed of Sound. Its overplayed. Its a blatant ripoff of Clocks. I still like it. I am sure Ill get over it quickly..but..for now, its on the list.

4. Jurassic 5 - Influence. It is a bit older, but it just got back into my rotation, and now its stuck there. Wish I knew the lyrics to it.

5. Sigur Ros - Staralfur. I dont know why, but its really peaceful and melodic (at least the first half is)..and it reminds me of the scene in The Life Aquatic when they saw the shark...which is about the only good scene in that movie. Just a good relaxing tune.

6. A mix of 3 songs..The Strokes - 12:51. Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #3. Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. I like to hear these on my way home from work sometimes..puts me in a good mood..theyre just fun and sorta silly songs.

7. Psychadelic Furs - Heartbreak Beat. One of the local DJs has been playing it again..I had not heard it in a number of years..and I had forgotten how good a song it was. I need to get their greatest hits cd...anyone got the torrent? :)

8. Geggy Tah - In My Car. No reason..just a cool groove. It is fun, its lively. I had no idea the name of the artists..had to email Gustav, a local DJ, because I thought the name was "Gagging Toss"..which is quite humorous. He happily corrected me.

9. Pharrah Phosphate - Regret. Local Portland band with a cool name and a really cool tune. Unfortunately, I have heard a couple of their other songs and I did not enjoy them half as much. But this is a nice tune..kinda a rock ballad of sorts..but not in the cheezy Dokken or Motley Crue way.

10. Ok, I copped out here...A mish mosh of a bunch of songs that can be heard on "Grey's Anatomy"..ie..Keane, Ivy, Tegan and Sara, Bright Eyes..go check out the songs listed on the ABC website and download 'em! :)

10b - 2 songs on the recently "acquired" cds, Paris by Day, Paris By Night Volume 2. The first is Bertrand Bergalat - Transcontinental. The second is Gingko Garden - Eggs. They mix into each other and if you are into the jazz/lounge/chill music at all, you will definitely enjoy these two. I bought Paris By/Night Volume 1 a few years ago and really enjoyed it..never got around to getting the second volume, but managed to get it via a friend and have been definitely enjoying it since.

People I be taggin': Laura The Tooth, La La Land, and of course, The Big Lug

Where's Homer Simpson when you need him?

Woo hoo! Free food!



JACKSONVILLE, FL -- What would you do for free food?

Dozens of people on the First Coast showed what they were made of this week.

Wednesday night, they camped overnight in the parking lot of the new Chick-Fil-A in the St. Johns Town Center.

Their reward? Free chicken combo meals for a whole year.

People started lining up at 8 a.m. Tuesday. But, it's the college students who made the most of the grand opening.

"As a college student any free food is good food, so standing one night for $250 bucks of food, you can't go wrong with that at all," said Derek Safko.

The first 100 customers received 52 coupons for free meals. The company launched the campaign in 2003.

Check the story and video here.

Teen horrified

Found this ARTICLE while trolling around the net...and then I had to look up the boxcover...see at end.

TEEN HORRIFIED AFTER DOWNLOADING SKIN FLICK AND DISCOVERING...
MOM AND DAD ARE PORNO STARS!


By MATT KIRSCH

AN OHIO teen was severely traumatized after discovering the stars of a downloaded porno flick were none other than his own parents.

Timmy Shannon, 17, recalls the moment that scarred him for life. "I was like five minutes into this porno called Horny House Wives 4, when I thought to myself, 'Hey, that couch looks exactly like the one I'm sitting on. Oh crap, it is!' I remember the horror overcoming me when I realized the woman bent over that couch was my mother, and the guy giving it to her was my father. I instantly pulled my pants back up and vomited."

Timmy's parents, "Captain Throbberson" and "Gina Jiggles," as they were credited in the film, believe that their son needs to grow up and get over it.

"Tim's mother and I are completely comfortable with our sexuality. I think our son's a little scared he might learn a move or two from his old man."

While his family seems to be in turmoil, Timmy admits that future family gatherings will probably be a little uncomfortable. "Call me crazy, but it's going to be pretty hard trying to enjoy a nice Thanksgiving dinner knowing that your parents have probably done it all up and down the dining room table!"

Pardon the nudity...



I wonder which one is the supposed "milf"? Because, well..some of them appear to have reasonable milf-like features..but..no..nothing to..get excited over.
The top chick looks to have a decent bod, but a face like Courtney Love.
Directly below her, the brunette..appears to possibly be..semi reasonable. To the right of her are some respectable funbags. The other 2 on the bottom left..ugh.

How many?

So if you were placed in a room the size of a basketball court, you had a cup for protection downstairs (if you're not a girl that is), and no weapons... how many ten year olds do you think you could take down? It needs mentioning, they will all be attacking you all at once.

Your average 10-year-old boy is about 4 feet 10 inches tall, weighs in the area of a 90 pounds, and has developed little muscle mass.

I am 33, approximately 5 ft 11 feet tall, tip the scales at about 180 or so (maybe 185..ahem), and have a moderate build.

Judging on these statistics and what I assume would be a natural ferocity that would spring forth in a moment of physical danger, I estimate that I could beat up fifteen 10-year-olds before they overtook me. Of course, these would have to be the aforementioned average-sized 10-year-olds. Future linebackers, NBA players, and all Scandinavian children would throw off this equation. On the flip side, if these were some wimpy, four-square-playing, future-jockey 10-year-olds, I imagine the number would skyrocket to anywhere between 20 and 25. It's simple exponential math.

This is also assuming that my opponents are smart enough to organize themselves into a circular attack instead of coming at me one by one. If it were an individual, king-of-the-mountain battle royale, I could endlessly pummel 10-year-olds without mercy. But we're assuming at least a fourth-grade education in a marginal public school as well as some exposure to kung-fu movies, so these kids would form a circle.

However, using my quick wits, I would charge one portion of the circle, landing a devastating blow on the unlucky individual, which would make the others proceed with hesitancy. One on one, I feel like I could deliver a lot of punishment to a 10-year-old. After taking out 7 or 8 in the same fashion, there would be one or two brave ones who would jump on my back, distracting me and thus enabling the others to attack. At best, I could fight off the two heroes on my back and maybe take out four on the ground before I was felled by fatigue and numerous kicks to my groin and shins. This would equal a grand total of approximately fifteen.

My friend Brian, who stands about 6 feet 2 inches and is stronger than myself, estimates that he could take down at least a dozen 10-year-olds. But I convinced him to up it once I gave him some theory and logic..and huis number has swelled to 30 kids. I find this hard to believe, but he has been in a fight with people his own age and is a little taller, making groin shots more difficult. Brian's reach is much longer than mine as well, which is a huge advantage. If you can land solid shots from a distance longer than the 10-year-olds' legs, there is no need to worry about groin kicks.

He says he would attack one portion of the circle in a fury, scaring off any would-be heroes who wanted to jump on his back and sacrifice themselves for the group. Then he would deal massive blows until fatigue and the inevitable groin shots brought him to the ground. I told him I'd give him fifteen and possibly seventeen or twenty, but even for the above-average Brian, taking down a thirty 10-year-olds seems like a lot.

If it weren't for the law and my own morals, we could put these pressing questions to rest. Alas, these barriers still stand in our way.

I'm a pacifist anyway.

so..how many for you?

Violated by my Dyson

My bedroom is upstairs in my house. It was in the house I grew up. I'd pretty much slide, fly down the steps or rail to get downstairs. My friend had a retractable ladder/stairway that went to his attic room that we'd slide up and down..far too often..and no..not in a sexual way. I can barely walk down stairs now..I hop them..its almost..annoying for some.

So, years of striding down my ladders have resulted in a certain degree of schoolboy arrogance and blatant showboating on my part.
4 steps at a time, no hands, 360 degree turns in mid descent, were some of my more daring moves.
In college, I also lived upstairs and I have managed to navigate these ladders in all states of drunkenness, carrying crates of beer; fuck I could have probably juggled while hopping backwards on these ladders, until the fateful day.

On those ladders, gravity was my bitch.

However this particular morning, gravity it seemed, was in no mood to be taunted, and had conspired with Dyson to teach my sorry disrespectful ass a lesson... quite literally.

It was a Saturday afternoon. The wife was off to work and I had some chores around the house to do. The vacuum was downstairs, I was all set to take it upstairs. Being a boy, being cocky, being the uncontrollable stair-freak, whatever, I decided to do my usual run/hop/glide/fly down the stairs at breakneck speeds.

I'd made this journey many times..about 5 steps and I am at the bottom.
The first 3 strides were uneventful, the 4th stride unflipping forgettable....
There was no 5th stride.

For at this point, I was almost raped by my Dyson.

If I needed any further clarification that inserting anything up my ass was not going to be a suitable lifestyle choice then this was it. I am 100% heterosexual.

The speed that I was travelling coupled with the all too perfect positioning of the vacuum cleaner meant that the attempted anal entry was fast and brutal.(Seriously, I reconstructed the scene many times after and there was only one position the Dyson could have been sitting at to enter me with the precision it did that morning). I did not tell my wife about this..for fear of this story getting around. Occasioanlly, she reads this blog..but very rarely. My parents also read my blog on rare occasion. Let's hope this story passes them by as well.

In hindsight, the lack of lubricant, and my heterosexuality saved me.

Any previous tampering with my anus, KY jelly, vaseline, or spittle on that handle and that fucking Dyson would have gone so far up my butt I would have been able to wash dishes and vacuum at the same time, if in fact I actually did either. Actually, I do both..but for the purposes of this story, I dont do either..sounds better.

Such was the ferocity of the assault, man-made materials were no defense for this custom-built ass raping machine masquerading as a household appliance.
The shaft of the Dyson tore right through my boxer shorts, finally meeting its resting place in the shape of my tailbone. The pain was like nothing I've ever experienced.

Let me take this opportunity to tell you what I have learned about my body's natural defense mechanism to different forms of pain over the years:

Punch in the face = Punch the fucker back
Punch in the stomach = same as above
Kick in the nuts = drop to the floor

To this I can now add,
Vacuum cleaner up the ass = run like fuck with minor tourettes..the laughing comes later, let me assure you.

This was the first type of pain that my body has ever told me to fucking move, and move fast. Not in any particular direction or to any specific location, just to keep running. Kind of like Forrest Gump.
The desire to run was accompanied with the desire to swear, and swear continuously.

So I did.

I sprinted down the stairs and must have ran round my kitchen a good 15 times clutching my ass shouting expletives at the Dyson

"HOLY GOD FUCCKKKK!!!, YOU FUCKIN'DUST SUCKING BAGLESS BASTARD!"

This was followed by a continual stream of swear words.

As I rounded on what would be my last lap of the kitchen, I found myself slightly impressed with my ability to formulate incoherent sentences purely with swear words.
This brief sense of pride however was quickly overshadowed by the realization of what had just happened to me:

I'd just been anally assaulted by my Dyson.

My experience undoubtedly has emotionally scarred me.

You will never now see me descend ladders and stairs without a thorough initial scan of the area below, accompanied by a tentative outstretched hand feeling around for any object potentially obstructing my landing area.

You also will never see me do any housework.
Everyday is a struggle, but I have to be strong.
What kind of example would I be setting to the rest of the household appliances? That its ok to sexually assault the occupant and then carry on as if nothing had happened?

To Mr Dyson I say this,

You've managed to pay millions to remove the troublesome bags from Hoovers, and thus prolong the suction, but would it have really have hurt you to go the extra mile and maybe have foam padding on the handle?
Surely no other man should have to endure the hell having to watch their parent or partner near collapse lifting a vacuum cleaner up a flight of stairs.

To confused teenage boys I say this,

If you think you stare just that little bit too long in the gym and locker room at your school chums, go squat on a Dyson.
Years of hormonal based confusion answered in a painful/gratifying second.

Beware the Dyson.

What the heck is happening...

I lost my old template somehow..and it reverted back to my older one. Weird. I'll have to see about fixing it or switching to yet another new one. Thats about the last of my priorities at the moment.
Blah.

A Very Long Engagement

I just kept missing my chance to see this film when it was released at the early part of this year and I finally got around to it on NetFlix. French director Jean-Pierre Jeunet and actress Audrey Tautou, who showed their immense talents in "Amelie" (one of my favorite films) have been re-united with each other in this World War I romantic drama filled with colorful characters. in fact, Jeunet utilizes many of the same actors in all of his films, and if you have seen Amelie or City of Lost Children, you will recognize some of the other actors.

From the opening sequences where the voice-over narration of Florence Thomasssin sets the stage for what is to come, we know that we are in good hands and that this romantic saga will be something completely different from others in the genre. While following all the characters in "A Very Long Engagement" turns out to be quite a challenge at times, Bruno Delbonnel's exceptional cinematography makes watching this French movie a memorable experience.

In one of the year's most well-filmed motion pictures, images of bloody battlefields contrast dramatically with peaceful countryside scenes. Ambitious in scope, the film chillingly depicts the horrors of war while focusing on the courage of a young woman who searches for her fiancé, a soldier declared missing in action at the end of World War I.

Mathilde (Audrey Tautou) is a perky young woman who has a limp due to a childhood bout with polio. She lives on a farm in Breton with her Aunt Benedicte (Chantal Neuwith) and Uncle Sylvain (Dominique Pinon) and receives a regular stipend from an inheritance left by her parents. She plays the tuba and is so acquainted with death that she often repeats the mantra "ashes to ashes, dust to dust." But in her heart is a fierce and loyal passion for Manech (Gaspard Ulliel), her childhood boyfriend and fiance who is the son of a lighthouse keeper. When he goes off to the trenches of World War I, she is very lonely and confident that he will return. She even plays cute fate games with herself to try and ensure his safety.

But in the early scenes of the film, five French soldiers who have been convicted of self-mutilation to escape duty, are sentenced to death. They are marched to the no-man's land between their comrades' front and the Germans ("Jerries") to fend for themselves without guns or food. Along with Manech, who is suffering from shock, are Bastoche, Six-Sous, Ange Bassignano, and Benoit Notre-Dame. When Mathilde decides to find out for herself what really happened to Manech, she hires a private investigator to find out more about these men. Through letters, photographs, interviews with war survivors, news items, and trips to a wartime archives unit, Mathilde begins a complicated and energy depleting quest that gives her an overview of the brutality of war, the arbitrary decisions made by commanders, and the heroism of ordinary men who are just trying to stay alive with bullets whizzing overhead and bombs blowing holes in the ground surrounding them.

Returning to the film’s incredible visual appeal, I must say that some of the scenes in “A Very Long Engagement” took my breath away. In flashbacks, Mathilde and Manech are shown as children playing in a lighthouse, and one brief shot captures Mathilde dangling dangerously from a very high railing. Later, a zeppelin blows up inside a hangar at the end of an extremely suspenseful sequence. Obviously, Jeunet has taken several cues from Steven Spielberg's "Saving Private Ryan" in his realistic portrait of warfare. He has given a minor role of a soldier's wife to Jodie Foster who, speaking French, pulls off this small part with the requisite simplicity and dignity. There is also the sad tale of a woman seeking vengeance for her lover — one of the five men treated so harshly by the military. But the emotional center of the film is Audrey Tautou, who shines as Mathilde, a woman who suffers one setback after another and yet refuses to give up her quest. Her yearning for Manech is an ardent flame that is maintained in the face of innumerable disappointments, dead ends, and mistaken notions. For all romantic souls, this is a film to savor and take to heart. While a bit lengthy, at over 2 hours and 10 minutes, it is a wonderful film to enjoy and it depicts the unswerving course of true love.