Random Rants...or...where my stress goes

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Kentucky Fried Bowl of Salt



What is it about KFC’s mashed potatoes that make people crave them more than is usual for that sort of thing? We all know they are not real, and we all know that chicken gravy is not really that color, but I eat ‘em, you eat ‘em, and now the chicken wizards have managed to design an entire meal-in-a-bowl around them. I was watching the commercial late at night and was admittedly intrigued/repelled by the idea of chicken, mashed potatos, corn, gravy and cheese all in the same ‘lil plastic bowl. Seeings how I go to KFC about once a decade or so, I thought I was due.

I took a turn through the ass-numbingly long line at the drive-thru (apparently their current bucket of legs and thighs special is quite popular) to receive my prize, and what I got was a surprisingly heavy lidded plastic dish lined with steam. I dug in, and sure enough, all the layers were present and accounted for. The bottom layer of taters was delicious, and the corn was crisp and juicy. The combination of brown gravy and melted cheese blend was tasty, but I was surprised to taste that the chicken was the only downer. The generous portion of fried chicken strips was so damn salty that they may as well have taken a few chicken strips and rolled them in kosher salt, dipped them in breading, and then rolled them in table salt, and then sprinkled sea salt on the finished product. Unlike my good friend Allen, I am not a huge salt person. I put some of that hand harvested French sea salt stuff my wife gets on a sandwich now and then..but thats about it. Lucky for me, the cashier screwed up the rest of my order, and so she gave me a free Coke to rehydrate my inert body. The sum up goes as follows: taters heavenly, corn delish, gravy/cheese slurpy good, mini salt licks bad. If I were judging this bowl on Poultry Star Search, I would give it three out of four chicken wings.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Strangers With Candy and Wordplay

I have seen a few good movies this summer, and since I generally prefer independent/small release films, I decided to share two reviews with you guys.


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Strangers With Candy

Jerri Blank is a 47-year-old ex-con junkie-whore, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have a heart. When Jerri (the incomparable Amy Sedaris) and her impressive overbite return home from a 32-year prison stint, she finds her dad (Dan Hedaya) has lapsed into a "stress-induced" coma, which his faithful doctor (Ian Holm) believes is irreversible. Unless, that is, Jerri can pick up her life where she left off: returning to high school and becoming "the good girl she never was and never had any interest in becoming."

Sedaris plays Jerri as a hyper-sexualized woman-child with lecherous tendencies and no understanding of personal space. With '70s-style velour pants hugging her ample bulges in all the wrong places, zero social grace and a mouthful of truly appalling teeth, Jerri is hilariously oblivious to her own lack of appeal, which, of course, makes her enormously appealing. And while comedy may be the most subjective of all movie genres, I feel enormously confident saying this: "Strangers With Candy" is easily the wittiest, most ridiculous and possibly the best-written comedy of the year ("Thank You For Smoking" is the only other worthy contender which I may just have to buy on dvd). I normally don't commit this sort of thing to public forums, but there were several scenes that made me laugh so hard I would have snorted water/soda out of my nose, had I been drinking anything at the time.

When Jerri makes her decidedly non-triumphant return to Flatpoint High School, she's greeted by an array of characters. Again, fans of the show from Comedy Central will recognize many of their old friends, including the great and aptly named Onyx Blackman (Gregory Hollimon), who needs to impress two school board members (Allison Janney and Philip Seymour Hoffman) in order to secure "discretionary funds," which he has earmarked to pay off his gambling debts. How to do it? Two words: Science Fair.

Enter Mr. Noblet (Colbert), the closeted born-again Christian who "teaches" science from the Bible and whose ongoing tryst with art teacher Geoffrey Jellineck (director Dinello) causes him no end of psychic angst. This is unfortunate, given that he has no emotional impulse control. His students, including Jerri, respond to him, and to the other many, many dysfunctional faculty members, with poker-faced stares. Mr. Noblet is in direct competition--for principal Blackman's approval and Geoffrey's heart--with Roger Beekman, played with smarmy abandon by Matthew Broderick. (Mrs. Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, also makes an appearance as a guidance counselor who provides neither guidance nor counsel).

Unlike so many of the comedies released these days, this movie is very aware of its language, which is a strange thing to write about a movie that utilizes extensive bathroom humor. It's true, though: The script works in ways that are both broad and slightly elevated, and part of the joke is that it's assumed we're all elevated enough to get the references. Case in point: One of Jerri's best friends is named Megawatti Sacarnaputri. "Not THAT Megawati Sukarnoputri," he assures Jerri when they're introduced. Indonesian political dynasties were never so much fun.

Even if, by the movie's final 20 minutes, things start to slow down, it's impossible to hold a grudge. Sedaris is to be congratulated, not only for her tremendous bravery in the face of tough wardrobe choices but for sticking by Jerri for the past six years. That kind of commitment, just like really tight velour, looks good on everyone.




Wordplay

For fans of cute, fuzzy animals ("March of the Penguins"), musical prodigies ("Rock School") and adrenaline-pumping sports ("Murderball"), last year’s class of feature documentaries was nothing short of spectacular. And with the genre becoming more like your average Hollywood narrative with each successive year, it comes as no surprise that the first great documentary of 2006 – Patrick Creadon’s "Wordplay" – also trumps most Hollywood thrillers with its fast-paced, nail-biting journey into the crazy (and incredibly nerdy) world of crossword puzzle enthusiasts.

Whether or not you actually enjoy these types of puzzles is a moot point, really, since "Wordplay" will surely fascinate audiences of all skill levels, as well as those not even interested in the scholarly pastime. And just to be sure, Creadon has packed his 94-minute nerd doc with appearances by pop icons like comedian Jon Stewart, former President Bill Clinton, filmmaker Ken Burns, Yankees pitcher Mike Mussina, and lesbian-rock headliners, the Indigo Girls; all of whom share a passion for doing The New York Times crossword puzzle.

The film even kicks off with a brief biography of Times crossword editor Will Shortz, who, following a childhood obsession with puzzle-solving, graduated from Indiana University with a degree in Enigmatology – a self-created major focusing on the analysis of puzzles and codes. Four years later, Will founded the American Crossword Puzzle Tournament in Stamford, Connecticut – an event that still takes place today and also serves as the main backdrop of the film. Showcasing a handful of championship hopefuls, including twenty-year-old prodigy Tyler Hinman, Florida-based puzzle-maker Trip Payne (who also holds the title as the youngest winner of the event), seven-time champion Joe Delfin, perennial third-place everyman Al Sanders, and the wanna-be baton-twirling 2001 Crossword champ, Ellen Ripstein (whom I loathed from the first glance), "Wordplay" culminates at the 2005 ACPT where these five participants battle it out for top honors, amongst several hundred others.

Not since "Trekkies" has a documentary so brilliantly explored the world of nerds, but unlike the aforementioned, "Wordplay" has a much kinder eye for its subjects, and instead of satirizing them, is far more respectful of their (ahem) dorkier tendencies. In doing so, Creadon establishes a fantastic group of characters that the audience can indiscriminately root for; though younger viewers will undoubtedly cheer on frat boy Tyler as he strives to break Trip’s record. And though these puzzle-solving maniacs are the real stars of the film, Jon Stewart’s candid performance steals the show with hilarious remarks like "I’ll do the USA Today puzzle if I’m in a hotel, but I won’t feel good about myself" and a playful swagger that results in his decision to do the Tuesday puzzle, not in marker (as he originally jests), but in glue stick.

Luckily, "Wordplay" doesn’t require this sort of confidence to succeed. It’s already an exceptional piece of work that is both enlightening and an absolute delight to watch. And while it might not make you want to rush out to the nearest corner shop to pick up a copy of the latest Times, it’s something that every American should experience. Trust me, your brain will thank you.


I heartily recommend both movies; "Wordplay" for both a chuckle and just a fun and interesting documentary, and "Strangers With Candy" for a laugh-out-loud silly good time.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

MmmMmmmm...corn snack...

So I heard from a co-worker that Wild Oats has a killer treat, simply called "corn snack." (One thing I’ve always loved about the organic food industry is their penchant for the keep-it-real names for products.) I moseyed into the store, asked for the snack, and was led back to bulk foods. The bin was empty, indicating to me that, indeed, corn snack was popular.

The white trash woman at the counter had a backup box in the back, which she actually went and brought out and then promptly refilled the bin. I was in business. I also spied an interesting looking mix a few bins down, which was aptly named "chocolate nut crunch trail mix." I bought a quarter pound of both, and went home to watch Mad Max on tv and take my snacks for a test drive all the way to the Thunderdome. The trail mix was awesome, containing a generous blend of chocolate chunks, chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, chocolate and peanut butter coated raisins and nuts, almonds, peanuts and raisins. I am not huge into raisins, but it was working with this mix.

But the corn snack was something to write home about. It was like a hybrid mix of corn nuts and those yummy half-popped kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bag. They are absolutely addicting, lightly salted and crunchy as can be. By the time the movie was over, I realized that I didn’t need another hero, I only needed more corn snack. I went to the website to discover the purveyors of my favorite new snack, and it turns out a couple from the farmlands of Minnesota were working on a new ethanol fuel recipe in their kitchen when there was an explosion---their GLAD CORN® brand "A-Maizing Corn Snack" was conceived. And to my great joy and delight, corn snack comes in flavors like jalapeño, BBQ and cheddar. And the news that sent me over the edge? You can visit their website and get free samples!!! Plus they will tell you every single store in the entire country where you can get this tasty delight.

Enjoy!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Random funny articles and videos

I am not sure if anyone has seen the commercial for Skittles, with the sheep-boys, but I love it. Everytime it comes in a movie theater, my wife knows I will crack up. The sarcasm is brilliant in it.

I was thinking about other rather odd and amusing combinations. One that I read about recently on ESPN's website, is the new sport of "Chessboxing". Yes, you read that correctly. Apparently, two men face 11 rounds of alternating between chess and boxing. First off, I would love to see that, but I can just imagine the quality of chess in the 8th or 9th round. I am no Grand Master in chess, but can you picture Mike Tyson playing chess, especially after a few rounds of boxing?

"I like the horsey..I want to move it here by me.." etc. It would be a riot.

The other interesting and humorous thing I recently fo7und..was this video which is of a girl on the Maury Povich show..who is afraid of pickles. You NEED to watch this video. This isnt just "Ewww..they gross me out" or even "Get them the heck out of here"..this is crying, whimpering, running away like you saw the Blair Witch. Absolutely hilairous, in a wonderfully sick and twisted way.
Enjoy.