Chocolatey Peanut Butter Cap’n Crunch

Ahhh, Cap’n Crunch. It’s a childhood favorite (not like my mom would ever let me eat the stuff though), while at the same time the bane of parents and general dentistry. These sweet, crunchy joy nuggets have added yet another flavor selection to their pantheon of amply-sweetened corny-oat classics.

I will admit I can be a sucker for most any new food or beverage. For example, I was the first person in my circle to try toaster pastries, I knew about those microwave crispy Ore-Ida fries before everyone else and I was eating Lunchables before they were cool (and lived to see the next day!). So when I caught wind that our buddies at Quaker Oats decided to expand on their staple peanut butter crunch, I was first in line to purchase a box of the new Chocolatey Peanut Butter Crunch.

I took my prize home and poured the first bowl with excitement brewing, while my stomach was preparing itself for the inevitable rush of sugar-coated carbs. I was not disappointed; the little round pellets alternated between slightly waxy chocolate coating and those nice dry peanut balls.

"Suck on my chocolate, salty balls, put ‘em in your mouth and suck ‘em and suck ‘em."

Who doesn’t love Southpark? Anyway, I was surprised to see that food technology has developed to the point that cereal coating no longer bleeds into the milk like it used to, and my 2-percent (normally I am a 1%-er, but they didnt have my brand!) was almost completely clear when the balls had been assimilated. Tasty? Oh Yeah. Good for you? Well...I scanned the ingredients (you all do it—admit it) where I found the predictable dose of coconut oil and buttpile of sugar, but also a weird aberration—blue #1 and #2, and red #40. The cereal is neither red nor blue, and I am always a little leery of anything that took 40 tries to get right. Buy them, but at least use the recommended skim milk to counter the sucrose dose.

Better than Bat Guano

Hershey’s chocolate bars are the wakeup treats and according to one co-worker, thee PMS busters of all time. And they never really stop being creative with their product line, serving us up a couple new of chocolately creations every year. But, sadly, like any other creative tour de force, they blow out a couple of bombs here and there, and I would personally consider their new S’mores bar to be the ICBM dud of the year. I purchased the slightly undersized bar at a local gas station, and that first bite was painful. And not just because of the sugar. Ostensibly Hershey’s wanted to re-create the campfire taste that is the hallmark of bonfires everywhere, and they have failed at life. The bar is mostly nougat, punctuated with crumbs of a weird granola substance. No roasted marshmallow, no graham cracker goodness, and the chocolate coating is standard fare with nothing exciting.

I also tried the new white chocolate Reese’s peanut butter cups, and I was surprised to discover that aside from the pretty white cup, they did not taste one bit different from the original. Bummer. I actually dislike white chocolate, but thought..what the hell this time.

My third taste-test of the past week was the new limited edition Extra Crispy Kit Kat Bar. This one redeemed its two compadres, because if you are a Kit Kat fan, this scud’s for you. It was wonderfully crispy, with three times the wafer than the original. And instead of being the little break-away mini-bars, this one’s a big bar, leaving your digits clean at the end. I hope they decide to make sacks of these in minis. And, thanks to the information age, you can actually read the history of every single Hershey’s candy at their ample website. C’mon, what else do you have to do right now?

I am officially loving the Japanese!

Thats it. I am movingto Japan..and/or..finding some way to receive Japanese TV. The shows are 1000 times funnier than any American show.

Now, I know some of you didnt see the last one (a few entries back), which was worth the download and worth watching, if you enjoy laughing at all..and this one..while not quite as funny..still has potential. The idea behind it alone, is enough to get me to watch:
Its a game show where the players observe other Japanese men attempting to speak English. If the players laugh at the men they get their ass kicked. As dumb as this might sound, its hilarious to watch them get beat up. I love the idea behind stifling a lugh though..that, combined with painful torture as a penalty..makes for absolutely the best possible combination of tv.

Side note..there is some Japanese game show, where it looks like people get free blow jobs! And the entire FEMALE audience is cheering on the uh..contestants? I am not 100% sure of the "goal" per se..but that might be interesting to..err..be one of the volunteers on the male side of the equation.

Anyways..yeah..Japanese tv rocks. and yes..I will review food in my next entry.

Deep fried fun

Well, as usual, I change my blog around..from doing book and movie reviews, to strange news stories, to just a weekly recap..to finally..food and restaurant reviews. So..here is another edition!



Deep fried fun … in a bucket! This week’s food is a trifecta of family meals in a bucket from our sea-faring friends at Fisher Boy, purveyors of fine fish sticks available over the grocery counter, without a prescription.

I’ll begin with the discovery. I was at the grocery store..well, ok, Target..trying to figure out what to buy besides some deodorant, and perhaps a tasty beverage, and as my wife has been working far too many late evenings..sometimes..ah..lets just say I..ahh get a bit lazy and dont want to cook up a nice chicken, cous cous, salad..etc.
So I was pawing through the freezer at the store, in search of a new treat, when lo and behold, I spotted a Happy Meal box off the starboard bough. It was a bright, attractively colored cardboard box, with a handle, that read in brilliant graphics Seafood Fun Bucket. NEATO!!! A bucket ‘o fish!!!

Later...
I opened the box to reveal three plastic bags, each containing portions of pre-fried, frozen nuggets. This was the spicy selection, so the goods were buffalo shrimp, "firecracker fries" and "macho nacho fish sticks." After a few minutes in the broiler, I sampled the suspiciously brightly-hued and tasty-smelling morsels.

The fries were the thin, flavored batter-dipped variety, and upon going cold quite quickly, were limp and chewy. The shrimp was pretty good, but hotter than Dante intended, so I’d use caution when serving them to children. The fish was really weird; the breading appeared normal, but the minced fish filling was the color of nacho cheese. They tasted rather like a Dorito; not bad, but last time I checked, fish outside of Chernobyl Farms aren’t supposed to be that color.

After a bit ‘o research, I found that the other Fun Buckets contain such tantalizing tidbits as "fishin’ rods," "potato blasts" and "mozza sticks." Would I buy this stuff? Short answer: no, but if I had kids, and was trying to fatten them up, probably. I would force them to have a glass of milk and a salad with it, though. I’m chocking them up to harried-family and single-guy food...of which I fall into the former this time.

Check out next week’s blog, when I answer the burning question: What’s up with all the freaky new candy bars?

Coke Blak

Those crazy kids at Coca-Cola have manufactured for us, the adoring public, yet another carbonated gem with their new Coca-Cola BlaK, a diabetic coma in a bottle that’s being marketed under the clever ad slogan "Coke Effervescence with Coffee Essence".

Coke and coffee, huh? My initial reaction to this was "Wow! Internet dorks, Evercrack fiends and college students will get a new champagne." As usual, I was correct. Apparently at my work, the technical side of the branch (ie..internet dorks), were mainlining the stuff, and I broached a bottle with genuine interest mixed with trepidation. After all, I am still old enough to remember some scary dive bombs that both Coke and Pepsi have launched on our intestines in previous attempts at being hip and trendy.

Remember Surge? Nine years ago I remember ingesting a bottle of this and shaking for about two hours. Or how about "Kona," the coffee-based soft drink that never caught on, and was pulled off the market in 1996? So with this in mind, I drank.
I will admit that BlaK was not near as horrid as I thought it would be, but it was still a bubbly-molasses-bad espresso syrup that should only be used for dire emergencies. Neat little bottles, though, gotta admit.

I also heard through the grapevine that the Cokers are planning to market a new citrus soft drink called "Vault" to try and lure away Mountain Dew drinkers. Good luck guys, because as long as there are pot smokers, doin’ the Dew is a permanent thing.

Anyways..back to work..with a bottle of water.