Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

I don't see why everyone doesn't recognize this story for the evil that it is. Think about how the story goes - you get this reindeer named Rudolph - with a very shiny nose - so shiny in fact that it would be fair to say it glows. All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names because of this genetic deformity. Though the problem was simply a glowing a red nose, they wouldn't even let him play their reindeer games. Why not? It's not like not he was born with three legs or a 60 pound head, or anything that would effect his ability to help a team win in reindeer football, or whatever the hell they played. No, they excluded him because he looked different. That's it. The equivalent of white kids excluding the black kid. Hell, less than that.

Luckily for Rudolph, his life was about to change for the better. You see, it got real foggy one Christmas Eve, and his deformity was just what Santa needed. He called over to lonely Rudolph and asked if he'd guide the sled that night. Now, to show you what a nice kid this Rudolph was, or just how desperate he was to fit in, Rudolph jumped at the chance. I'm not sure I would've. Why the fuck should I help some fat sack who looked the other way when his reindeer treated me like shit for no good reason? Well, whatever, Rudolph was a better deer than I. He helped Santa out and all the other reindeer decided to love him.

Okay. So what exactly is the moral of this children's tale? Is it: Don't treat someone like crap because they look different? At first that seems to be what the story was going for, but the facts simply don't add up. What if Rudolph's abnormality never came in handy? Would the other reindeer ever have come around? I'd lay a c-note the answer is no. Rudolph only gained acceptance because he was useful to Santa. That makes the moral something like: It's okay to treat someone like crap until they prove useful.

What makes the story even more terrible is that all this took place under the nose of a moral authority. Santa is one step under God in the moral realm. I mean, here's this guy, who knows who you are and if you've been bad or good - the keeper of the ultimate list of human rights and wrongs. So anyway, all this was going on right under his nose, the exclusion, the cruelty, the name-calling and poor Rudolph was miserable. And Santa didn't do shit. If there was never a foggy Christmas Eve, would Santa have stepped in? Maybe, maybe not. We'll never know.

So anyway, sleep tight kids... And remember... It's okay to be different so long as you make yourself useful.

Oh yeah..and I am Jewish, so whatever on all this Santa BS.