With the 10th pick in the 2005 NBA Draft...

The Los Angeles Lakers select...Andrew Bynum from St. Joseph High School.

Well..I still cannot decide if I am happy, or sad. You see, I was at the Portland Trail Blazer official NBA Draft party with some of my friends from another basketball forum I go to, and when no one picked Gerald Green (an extremely attractive prospect for many teams), who I thought I wanted, who Portland thought they wanted..I was stunned. Taking Bynum..was a surprise in some sense..everyone assumed the Lakers wanted Green, and when he fell into their lap by no one picking him..it was a shock to not hear his name called. But it was all a smokescreen apparently. The Lakers wanted Bynum all along, if they couldn get Deron Williams, Raymond Felton or Chris Paul.

Bynum is a 17 year old behemoth..7 feet tall, about 285 pound, 33 inch vertical...a total man-child. He also had a 3.6 gpa in HS and his favorite subject is physics. A refreshing bit of information there..instead of the thug with the 2.2 gpa, whose favorite subject is "Jay-Z".

Well, since the rest of you are completely bored..if you are interested, check out his myspace website..pretty funny guy..nice photo section.

Tigard Festival of Balloons

A week ago, I woke up at 5am to attend the annual Tigard Festival of Balloons. The balloons launch at about 6am, wind and weather permitting, and it was a treat. Of course my wife was snoozing at the time..though she has been wrooknig like mad and a little under the weather too, so I dont blame her for sleeping in, but she missed a wonderful display of colors and overly happy people.



Of course, my wife is infatuated with strawberries, so hon, this pic is for you..(I actually took about 8 pics just of the strawberry balloon so she would be happy).



There were about 25-30 balloons launched..I tried to get as many as I could in a picture..they launch one every 3-5 minutes or so..so some drifted away and I couldnt capture them, but this one has about 10 or 11 in there. It was awesome. I just wish the lighting was a little better when I shot most of the photos. Oh well, theres always next year!

Packing

I spent the bulk of the weekend packing. We move into our house in a week, so we had to box everything up. You cannot believe how much stuff you own, until you pack it up..just the sheer number of boxes, bubble wrap, newspaper..etc..you need to lug all your kitchen wares..is astounding.

Then we went over to both Home Depot and Lowe's and bought our paint supplies. We spent less than we thought, thank goodness, though to finish off all the rooms, we will need more paint. Not a bad haul though.

In our downtime, we watched "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou" which was fairly disappointing in my opinion. Not very humorous, except for a few scenes. However it did seem to have a pretty decent soundtrack..I might have to check that out.

Anyways..I seem to losing some steam on blogging...I dont kow if its the lack of comments, if its not finding anything super spiffy to talk about, or if its the issue I had with Melanie..or just stress due to packing and moving, and trying to find a better job..etc. Or some combo..

hrmmm...

Howl's Moving Castle

I have been in love with Miyazaki's films and style since I first saw Nausicaa and then Princess Mononoke. Seeing Spirited Away eclipsed those and I had thought he could do no wrong. I had rented Castle in the Clouds and thoroughly enjoyed it, and Kiki's Delivery Service and Porco Rosso are on my Netflix queue as is My Neighbor Totoro. And when I had heard a new Miyazaki was coming out, I told my wife its a must-see. So we escaped last night from the gym, from deciding between pasta and chicken, from reruns on tv, from the internet, from it all..and went downtown and saw the Howl's Moving Castle.

Although it is as visually evocative and as narratively imaginative as any of Miyazki's previous efforts, Howl's Moving Castle, doesn't quite ascend to the pinnacle achieved by Spirited Away or Princess Mononoke. Part of this has to do with the nature of the protagonist, who isn't as appealing as Spirited Away's Chihiro, and part has to do with the rushed ending, which feels as if it was truncated to fit into a two-hour slot. Nevertheless, despite being based on Englishwoman Diana Wynne Jones' book (which an associate of mine has read, though I have not), Howl's Moving Castle feels like pure Miyazaki, complete with his fusion of the surreal and the mystical with the everyday. And, like all of his movies, this feature is likely to find more favor with adults than children (although, in terms of content, it's appropriate for all but the youngest viewers). It refuses to "talk down" to its audience and may baffle many kids (and more than a few adults).

The story centers around Sophie (voice of Emily Mortimer), a young girl who is transformed via a curse into an old crone (voice of Jean Simmons). In an attempt to reverse the curse, Sophie tracks down the mysterious wizard Howl (voice of Christian Bale), who is the victim of another magical affliction. Howl lives in a strange moving castle that travels across the land under the power of the fire demon Calcifer (voice of Billy Crystal), who shares an intimate connection with the bizarre vehicle's master. Together, Sophie and Howl, along with a few oddball friends (including a mobile scarecrow and a dog who is more than he seems), seek to find resolutions to their problems against the backdrop of a war-torn setting.

The vocal cast is solid, although uninspired. Aside from Billy Crystal, who gives voice and many comic moments to Calcifer, no one provides distinctive tones. Emily Mortimer and Christian Bale, who play Sophie and Howl respectively, sound mostly generic, and Lauren Bacall (as the Witch of the Waste) does a good job hiding her voice. I generally prefer foreign films to be presented in their original setting, and so I had wished to see the film in Japanese, with English subtitles (and when I buy this on dvd, that is how I intend on watching it). I have heard that the original actors are more expressive. Having only viewed the English-language edition, I can't comment on that assertion but, unlike some of the recent Pixar and Dreamworks animated offerings, this one does not feature any star performances. The focus here is clearly on the majesty of Miyazaki's visuals.

As is typically the case with Miyazaki films, the greatest enjoyment comes from experiencing the various set pieces rather than absorbing the entire storyline. Howl's Moving Castle contains its share of breathtaking moments (such as Sophie's flight from the witch, and Calcifer's transformation of the castle). The overall plot, which at times seems derivative of Disney's Beauty and the Beast, serves the purpose of giving Miyazaki a clothesline upon which to hang all of the impressive sequences, but it doesn't do much more. At times, things that happen can be confusing. For example, Sophie's appearance to the viewer changes based on who she's with and how they perceive her. It's a stylistic device, but it's disconcerting at first. Finally, even the director's most die-hard defenders have to admit that the ending is well..short. Minor quibbles aside, Miyazaki may not have achieved the level of Spirited Away, but he's still way ahead of the curve.

I'm so sick of this message!

It'll be a relief when the web works again. I'm really hoping it's only because every student on summer break has decided to spend their free time on the net and that next month things will be back to normal. I've seen more "this page cannot be displayed" pages than anything else the past couple weeks and I'm really fed up with it.
*Josh stamps his little feet*

I think the internet should be returned to the manufacturer for a replacement, cuz this one doesn't work too good anymore. I'm sure that wouldn't work, though, as the warranty wouldn't cover what I've done to it. I can hear them now: "Youz gotsta getta nuffa one and youz gotsta pays for its, cuz yer warrantee don't cover destructions by urinations."

Yep, that's what I think of "this page cannot be displayed".

*zip*

Diary of a Psycho

There is a blog I used to read. No doubt you have seen her posts on my blog. She is/was reasonably entertaining even with her massive potty-mouth, gets tons and tons of comments usually, and generally was someone I enjoyed conversing with.

Not anymore.

She had a blog entry asking if she should cheat on her husband with a girl he had met at work, while on some vacation with her kids. Yes. 2 girls, the husband and the kiddies...on vacation. Great time for a menage!

Well..to be blunt, I told her cheating on a spouse sickens me, and doing it in front of the kids is not exactly wise either..so dont do it. I said I have no respect for cheaters. Her entry ellicited A LOT of responses. Almost all basically said the same thing as me, though perhaps my words were a bit on the harsher side. But the way I look at it..she asked for peoples reactions..well, she got mine. I did not curse her out. I did not preach at her. I said it was a really bad idea. She later told me some people have been sending her emails trying to "save" her and so forth. So obviously, it got a lot of attention, which she wanted.

Her response to me was less than pleasant however, and mentioned she would like to see what happens when I cheat on my wife. Thats when I lost it. I love my wife. Assuming I would do that to my wife and my self, really pissed me off. I would not EVER cheat on my wife. EVER. Anyways, it had got into a shouting match, which in turn has caused her to act like the grown-up she is by flaming me on several posts.

Normally, I would not care so much. She is acting completely childish and obviously I hit a nerve with her. I am sorry she misunderstood me and seemingly hurt her..but now I almost dont mind. After all, she calls herself psycho in her blog title, and sent me emails saying she sometimes goes on a rampage and so forth. It is too bad however. I really did enjoy her blog for a while..she just has this nasty temper or short-fuse or something that I cannot pinpoint. Her blog entries actually sadden me though. I do not like people to be mad at me, and certainly for things they simply misunderstood.

Sigh. Oh well.

I really do not want comments on this entry..its more of a vent and exhale, than anything else.

Batman Begins

Most comic book geeks have been holding their breath ever since they heard rumblings of Warner Brothers’ plans to reintroduce the Batman franchise, but it’s finally safe to breathe again; “Batman Begins”..was AWESOME. My wife and I saw it last night.
Thanks to director Christopher Nolan and writer David S. Goyer, they finally got it right this time, and now fans can finally experience Batman the way it was meant to be seen. While Tim Burton’s original version of the film boasted a much darker, gothic look at the man behind the mask, his two films contained only a sliver of the darkness that Nolan manages to squeeze into “Begins,” which plays out much more like a film noir crime thriller than your average cheesy summer action movie. I was not much of a fan of the first, though I know many are..and the rest of the series..well, I prefer not to even think about them. But “Batman Begins” oozes suave intelligence and excellent action, and finally gives comic book fans a much-needed faith that their favorite hero can indeed soar again.

Especially darker and grittier than past trips to the Bat Cave, “Batman Begins” focuses on the emergence of Bruce Wayne’s (Christian Bale) alter ego vigilante through a series of three different time periods in his life: at age eight, twenty-two, and thirty. Loosely based on Frank Miller’s innovative graphic novel, “Batman: Year One,” the story finds Bruce Wayne far, far away from the safety of Gotham City in a third-world country in the winter, where he has taken pilgrimage inside of a prison with the purpose of understanding the criminal mind. After being imprisoned for some time, Bruce is invited by Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson), a follower of Ra’s Al Ghul (Ken Watanabe), to join the cult leader’s infamous League of Shadows, where he is promptly trained in a number of martial arts and stealth tactics. Ducard personally trains Bruce to encounter his own fears, namely the frightening memories of his parents’ murder and, of course, the mysterious bat cave he fell into as a boy.

Upon returning home to Gotham City, Bruce vows to rebuild his father’s empire by eliminating the rising crime, and imposing fear in criminals and the corrupt. With the help of the family butler Alfred (Michael Caine) and Wayne Industries researcher Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman), Bruce creates Batman as a symbol of justice and hope. Fighting crime by night and playing the role of billionaire playboy by day, Bruce quickly discovers the overwhelming effects of his dual life, especially when protecting childhood friend and love interest Rachel Dawes (Katie Holmes) from a crazy psychiatrist Dr. Jonathan Crane (Cillian Murphy), and his own disturbing alter ego The Scarecrow, who uses airborne hallucinogens to evoke paranoia and fear from his victims.

“Batman Begins” is a visual rollercoaster that begins and ends with its flawless production design. If you were a fan of Burton’s gothic environment, or even Joel Schumacher’s vibrant neon world, you’ll be pleasantly stunned by the simple, yet incredibly detailed Gotham City. Nicely complementing the film’s harsh atmosphere is a fantastic A-list cast born for their respective roles. As much as Michael Gough seemed the perfect fit during his time on the previous four Batman films, Michael Caine is Alfred Pennyworth. Gary Oldman, one of my all-time favorite actors, also is Lt. James Gordon, and Morgan Freeman turns in a wonderful performance as one of the newer additions to the Batman universe.

Equally remarkable is Liam Neeson as Bruce’s master and Cillian Murphy (28 Days Later) as the scary-as-hell Scarecrow, but what’s most important about this film is its lead star, Christian Bale. Bale has been, without a doubt, one of the better actors of his generation (American Psycho, Laurel Canyon, Captain Corelli's Mandolin). Unlike past actors who have donned the cape and cowl, Bale is not only an ideal Batman, but also the best Bruce Wayne that has come around. Stealing a tint of his performance as Patrick Bateman from “American Psycho,” Bale offers the insecure reserve of Bruce Wayne’s dark past in his unforgiving eyes.

Essentially why “Batman Begins” is such a success is because the story finally focuses on the hero for once, instead of the villains. It’s nice to finally have a succinct background to Bruce Wayne/Batman that fans can refer to. While future films may eventually hand the responsibility over to the featured baddies, at the end of the day, it’s Batman that everyone has gone to the theater to see, and Christian Bale does a fantastic job with one of the most demanding gigs in the industry.

Aside from the annoying teenagers checking their text messages on their phone every 30 seconds, this was an absolute treat to see last night and I highly recommend it.

Time for the Phallic Logo Awards!

Ok, I admit I am snagging this from a mix of images and another site, but I am inserting some of my own commentary...and ammending some images..blah blah..etc.

So..lets check them out, shall we?



Buty Salon in London. I assume they have excellent facials. No thanks.



This German Volleyball Assoc. logo is a little stylized, but is faintly phallic.



The Atherton Car Centre has elephantitus of the testicles..or a tiny penis.



Umm..look closely at the top button there. Are you THAT excited to login?



Some sort of military garb company logo. The parent company must be proud.



A little shrivled up..perhaps it was a tad chilly?



I guess this is some sort of popular camp for kids. I do not think I'd send my kids there...



Brazilian Institute for Oriental Studies. No explanation necessary.



Pride in Oldham award scheme. A dwarf going down on an amazon queen.

I am sure Melanie enjoyed this post more than anyone of my other readers. Of course, I have only about 5 total readers..

Oregon: Disaster capital of the world!

Earlier tonight there was an earthquake in Northern California and we were alerted that the coast of Oregon may have a Tsunami.

So..let me get this straight..in the last couple months, there was a volcano explosion, an earthquake, torrential rains, a heat wave and now a possible tsunami?

When is the tornado coming? Where the hell did I move to? Where is Nostradamus when I need him?

Michael Jackson to host sleepover party to celebrate verdict...

Yes, the man goes free..was it any surprise? After OJ and Robert Blake, America just cannot possibly send one of its own celebrities to jail, unless the offense is drugs or possibly shoplifting. I had obviously hoped..after a few days deliberation, that maybe..just maybe..some charges will stick..maybe some community service hours..who knows. but of course, I was wrong.

So..if you are under the age of 13, expect your evite to his sleepover celebration in your inbox shortly. Pajamas not required.

The worst things on the net..

What is it about websites that drive you crazy? It is funny how there are so many..miniscule..things..that really drive me insane. I swear I am going to have a heart attack by age 35 (I am almost 34).

Webpages with music! I am sorry..I know some of you have blogs that have embedded code with music and video..but it freakin loads automatically to try to show what music you like, how cool you are..etc..but all it does is sap bandwidth and annoy the crap out of most people.

Flash intros! Ok, so flash is way cool and all, and you can make or see some truly artistic interfaces and so forth. But when you are simply trying to find the "location nearest you", and you gotta watch a huge flash into (after it takes a few seconds to buffer) and then find the tiny font with "store locations" at the bottom..etc. Just..give me the damn button that says "Skip intro"..oh and the "mute" button too, let me reiterate that one!

Stores that dont allow you to shop on the net! Sure, they have their company homepage, but no catalog of items, and you cannot even buy their stuff from their site. Lacoste is a prime example. Ok..so I like some "preppy" stuff..whatever. They have cool tennis stuff, and I play tennis. I dont just want Lacoste, because they are popular and have a menacing little alligator. I like a lot of semi-unheard of tennis brand clothes (like..Fred Perry, Lotto..)..ok..this is about shopping online! Not me defending my clothes...

Moronic 14 year olds! Thats right. All the high schoolers and junior high kids that type something like: "Hey, U lk kewl 2day. Dnt b l8 4 wrk! I will C U l8r, k?" As if the word "see" and "for" are so lengthy. For that matter, I know the word "at" is soooo tough and long and often misspelled that we have to create the @ symbol..but thats a whole other rant. Its those pesky 14 year olds..that come on random websites, spew out the lamest conversations ever..and reply back with "Clay Aiken RULEZ!..so F U !" Sigh. I can barely read what they type without rubbing my eyes, sighing, and wondering why there isnt some sort of age restriction for the net..because I hate teenagers.

People who still have 56k! Are you that cheap!? I mean..dont give me the "Well, I lost my job man"..then you should not be home on the net surfing around, right? Go find a freakin job! Friends of mine that take 2 years to upload a photo or mp3..oi..I just want to pull my hair out. I know they wont be able to afford their leased BMW M3s and Zegna suits and trips to Zanzibar if they spend 30 a month, instead of 22, for net access. Time to get your priorities in line...

Internet voting! I used to wonder why tv shows like "American Idol" are the top rated show..and then I realized how stupid Americans are. Mindless entertainment for stupid people. It is those same people who vote for things on CNN, ESPN and other websites that have polls that make no sense and have no impact on the show, website, society..etc.."Who will win the Apprentice?", "Do you watch too much television?", "Does Josh have anything better to do late tonight than write a blog entry?"..I could go on and on. Thank god for The Onion.

Ok..so yes, I do have better things to do. I need to sleep...its late, I am tired, my wife has a temp of 100.2 and I need to see if shes sleeping or is clamoring for some tea or anything. Good night everyone and log off too. See ya tomorrow!

All I wanna do..is have some fun!

I was laying in bed last night with the wife around 11:20pm, and we were talking about all the fun things we want to do before we die. Semi-morbid topic at first glance, but it really isnt. And it was not..basic..things..like "have kids".."walk my daughter down the aisle"..blah..no..FUN stuff! Stuff that possibly costs alot, or stuff you always wished you could do..and havent had the time or money or cajones..or..you just have too many morals and ethics ;)

So..heres some stuff I came up with.

1)Run with the bulls in Pamplona..I actually already did this in 1999. Twice. Call me crazy..but its a freakin' blast! If I wasnt married, and planning on having kids, I'd easily do it again!

2)Speaking of the great country of Spain, I want to go to La Tomatina in bunol, Spain. I admit, this festival may have passed me by..as I think it would be enjoyed a whole lot more if I was about 22..but it still looks insane.

3)And speaking of festivals..Carnivale in Rio! I went to Mardi Gras in New Orleans in 1995, but Carnivale takes the cake.

4)Learn to drive better..at this place you can add James Bond and Speed Racer skills to your repetoire. I would love to do that someday.

5)Might as well put those skills to good use..with a car I'd never buy, but would love to own..you know the type..where people see you in it and say "Wow, he must have a really tiny penis..."..


6)Go to any major league ballpark, and have someone throw as many dang pitches at me as he can, until I hit one out of the park. I am not talking about having Randy Johnson throw a sinker at 94mph..I am talking about a reasonable pitch.

7)Win a jackpot of over $1000 on a slot in Vegas. I just want all the bells, whistles, lights, attention..on me..for 10 seconds. And I never play slots..I only play craps..but I'd love to just..put in a buck, pull the lever, watch all the jackpot logos come up..and have every old lady look at me enviously.

8)Beat my dad, just once, at tennis. Now understand, my dad is over 60. But he is a licensed tennis professional. He also hits serves at the professional speeds..I am talking about 120mph. So, just once, before he gets too old and has to have a walker or something, I just need to get a match off the guy..a set even.

9)Go skydiving. Actually, I did do this for my 30th birthday already, but I do want to do it again. It is an amazing experience.

10)Publish a book. I dont care if its a children's book (which my wife and I are actually working on at the moment), or a more traditional book. I love to write, but just dont think I could come up with 300-500 pages about some story..and then put it together effectively. But I'd love to try.

11)Go surfing. I never have been, and it looks so fun! I keep thinking I'll take a lesson when I go to Hawaii..but I keep coming back from Hawaii sans surfing skills. Maybe I ought to go to Australia's Nude Night Surfing Contest...

12)I want to go chase the cheese down the hill in Gloucestershire. What? You haven't heard about that?! Yes, every year in May, there is this contest where they take a 7 pound cheese wheel and roll it down a hill while every British lunatic runs after it, trying to catch it..many breaking ankles, arms, teeth..etc. Not only does it look incredibly silly, but I'd love to try to get it. I think the winner doesnt get anything..no money, no little fake trophy..just the recognition from his/her countrymen. Sounds like the Iron Chef.

13)Oktoberfest! 'nuff said

14)Another festival..Bastille Day in France! Say what ya want about those Frenchies, but they have great food and wine and I am sure can party like everyone else! France is a very beautiful country and Paris is an amazing city. I'd love to be there for that day.

15)Yet another festival..and yet another that I am probably too old and responsible for..the Love Fest thing in Berlin! Thats happening about now and looks incredible..if ya like beer, boobs and trance n techno music.

16)I guess I want to go to a lot of events..oh well. Cuz New Years Eve in Times Square is something I want to do..once..and once only. I really feel like standing forever, with nowhere to pee, nothing to eat, being smushed against 250,000 people for 7 or 10 hours..to see a little glowing ball drop. Just once.

17)Finish all the books on my shelf and on my Amazon wish list. I love to read..and I read A LOT. But I have about 70 books to get through. Ugh.

18)Take a hot air balloon ride. I havent done it yet. I want to. The wife is a bit scared of heights. But I am sure it is romantic and beautiful. so I am going to surprise her sometime.


19)Take a week off of work with the wife..and do nothing. Just sleep. Take a 30 minute shower..or 2 or 3 of 'em. Go out to eat a couple times. Have some sex. Watch a dvd. Sleep lots more.

20)See the space shuttle or some sort of NASA rocket, launch..live. Looks so cool! The triumph of mankind!

21)Learn to speak another language fluently. I know a decent amount of Spanish. I know some German, some Russian, some Hindi, some French, some Japanese..but nothing even remotely fluent.

22)Get one of those cranes with a wrecking ball, and work some magic on a dilapidated building. That also relates to the fact I want to push the button on a remote transmitter that sets of dynamite in some old empty building to blow it up. Boys, explosions, destruction..all goes hand in hand. Same with why I love playnig that Grand Theft Auto game..ya drive around at 100mph, blowing up opposing cars, running away from and/or shooting the cops, running over gang members..muahahahahaha!

23)Break a world record. For just about anything. Not the worst smelling gas, or fattest human. But..most quarters balanced on the back of my arm..ok. Longest urine stream..ok. I am not expecting to be the world's strongest man, fastest sprinter, or shove the most hot dogs down my gullet..so..something more..manageable. Something I can say..hey look at me in Guinness or on CNN or whatever! ;)

24)Save a life! Whether that means doing CPR, an emergency tracheotomy, or just pushing someone out of the way from a speeding psycho driver...I think that would be way cool. Power of God stuff!

25)Ok..ok..have a couple of kids..and be a good dad and husband and all that mushy stuff :)

Hmmm...theres probably 30 more..some of which are..more..on the sketchy side..but thats a good enough list for now.

Sex blogs...

I have been following a lot of peoples blogs and ocassionally..following one of their links to find another cool blog..etc.

Anyways, I have been reading and reading..following link after link..and normally, I would probably love to read about someone's sex life, and see photos of their ass or whatever, but most of these people are just either exaggerating and glorifying their sexual encounters, or simply writing fiction...or bored out of their skull. Which is fine..but what purpose does it serve? Do they get off knowing someone else read an entry and commented "Ohh..that made me so hot! Come over now!"

For example..there is this guy at Conquests, who happens to be well endowed, knows it, and is posting photos of his..well...conquests (hence the blog name I spose). I am wondering if he just wants comments from envious guys, or from women who want him to say "Wow, thats a big dick..heres my phone number!"
And then there is Wet Miranda..which is another pointless blog that has tons of lame entries and just..pics of breasts and so forth. Goodie! I cannot find that anywhere else on the web, should I want to see some tits other than my wife's or possibly in a movie.

and then you have...
Nymphogirl
Naked Molly
So this one time...
Menage a Blog
Koochie Taster

How many more should I list that I have found..??

At least the first guy can brag a bit..I am sure all you ladies will contact him for his services ;)
and of course..now I am freaking advertising for all of these people. Well..go get your box of kleenex or a towel. Enjoy.

Quick humor for the day...

So..I have no idea what to write for today..henceforth..enjoy these 2 jokes:

Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Director of Nursing became aware of Edna's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.

The bad news is that Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself in his bathroom with the belt of his robe right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."
Edna replied; "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

----

3 women, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead, escaped from a prison in Iowa. They were being chased across the cornfields by the police and decided to mnake a break for a barn they spotted. The women looked around and decided to hide in some potato sacks that were laying on the ground nearby.

Moments later, the cops burst open the door to the barn and decided to look around. Spotting some rustling in the sacks, the policemen went over to the first sack and kicked it.
Thinking quickly, the brunette said: "Meow....meow..."
The policeman said: "Hmm, must be a cat in this sack."
He strode over to the next sack and kicked it.
Taking a cue from the brunette, the redhead said: "Bark..bark!"
"Must be a dog in this sack..." muttered the cop.
He went over to the final sack and gave it a good kick.
The blonde thought for a second and said: "Potatoes!"

My old Q

Movies I have rented via Netflix (not in any particular order) and my less than 8 word summary and/or review for them:

I'll Sleep when I'm Dead - slower than presumed, but decent revenge tale
Closer - Four weird people meet, fuck and argue
King Arthur - Not a very interesting take on the legend
Croupier - I must be on a Clive Owen rampage; good
Wimbledon - Cheesy romance and poor tennis form = poor
Night and Fog - Incredible documentary about the holocaust
Girl with a Pearl Earring - insanely boring; I fell asleep
In Cold Blood - Truman Capote's book comes to life..mostly
Roger & Me - I am a liberal, what can I say?
Unfaithful - Depressing film about a cheating spouse
Saved! - Hilarious Jesus freak teen gets pregnant
Ladder 49 - Very predictable but sad fireman movie
Castle in the Sky - Miyazaki is a master, but Spirited Away's better
The Hustler - Newman's black n' white cool pool flick
Ray - He deserved the Oscar. Nuff said.
House of Sand and Fog - More depressing than I ever thought possible
Angels in America - Too weird for my wife and I
Shattered Glass - Anakin publishes his lies and everyone loves it
THX 1138 - Could not watch more than 20 minutes
Whale Rider - Excellent, uplifting movie; saw it in the theater
Once Were Warriors - Gritty Kiwi movie involving family struggles
Capturing the Friedmans - I still dont know who to believe
Following - Murder, burglary and wonderful twist ending
Chariots of Fire - very slow, but still wonderful story
From Earth to the Moon - Amazing all around, highly regarded
Brotherhood of the Wolf - I dont trust Allen's recommendations anymore...
Chronicles of Riddick - Ummm..nice art direction...thanks again Allen
Garden State - Loved the movie, great soundtrack to boot
Maria Full of Grace - Incredbly well acted and a powerful story
The French Connection - Overhyped, but still engrossing cop/druglord movie
Metallica:Some Kind of Monster - Too long, but interesting even for non-fans
The Terminal - Hanks is good, but not a great movie
United States of Leland - Excellent plot, underdeveloped, over analyzed, well acted
Butterfly Effect - Ashton Kutcher..oh boy. Glad I rented.
The Falcon and the Snowman - CIA employee becomes spy for bad guys
The Thin Red Line - Didnt enjoy it this time around either
Veronica Guerrin - Underrated account of a brave female journalist
The Graduate - Always thought odd, but always a classic
A Day Without a Mexican - Wife and I gave up 25 minutes into the pink fog...

FYI..I have Hotel Rwanda, The Woodsman and I Heart Huckabees now..and 122 movies in my current Queue

Driving cheap to Seattle

So, today's mini rant stems from my work..and Enterprise Rent-A-Piece of Shit. I occasionally have to drive to Seattle from Portland, OR for my work. Not a big deal, its 175 miles one way, 95% highway..and I get to relax and listen to my mp3s..plus at .405 cents a mile, I can actually make some decent cash for going.

Well, I was all set to go Wednesday evening when my work told me on Tuesday afternoon that I would not be allowed to drive this time. "Maybe they are flying me up there?!" I thought..my wife's work flew her up there for a quick meeting...it could happen.
"Would you mind renting a car?" said Beth, our front desk assistant.
"Umm..errr..o-k..why?
"Because of the cost of the mileage, and the IRS..blah blah blah"..I tuned out.
My company is cutting costs as usual, where they can. I thought..ok, I just have to pack up some cds, instead of listening to mp3s..not a big deal. I am sure I'd enjoy driving my Alero...or Stratus..or Lancer, if I am lucky.
"Ok..no problem."
"Thanks, Josh".

So Derrick from Enterprise picks me up at work at 2:15pm on Wednesday, and drives me to their spiffy shop (a converted bank I notice as we drive through the outside teller and pneumatic tube area)...and tells me I've got a spectacular Neon.
I tell him I am trying to get up to Seattle to try to make the Seattle Mariner's baseball game if I can, so hopefully it has a full tank of gas, goes past 80 mph and "as long as it has a cd player, I am alright".
"Well..you got 1 out of 2..it has a full tank of gas..but if that wasnt the case, right next door to us is Shell!"
I point to the other Neon sitting there. "Does that one have a cd player?".
No such luck. All 2004 Neons have no cd players. Only cassette. Are you f-ing kidding me? Who still plays cassettes?
Well, it turns out they dont have cruise control either. Or power windows, doors..and the AC was busted. And the power steering was..sketchy.
Needless to say, the drive really sucked..both to and from. Luckily, I found a radio station in the Seattle area that plays the music I normally listen to...so that cut out about 70 miles of dead air...and I called a bunch of family and friends on the way up and back (and didnt reach a single one!) to try to pass the time.

I made the game. Safeco field is pretty cool. Some nice guy bought me 2 beers (funny story, I ended up buying a scalped ticket..that he sold to the scalpers!). Upon telling my friend Jason about the beers, he said that the generous man was probably anxious to get me drunk and into my pants..(I did look decent that day after a nice haircut) but..alas, I slept alone.

Oh well..I am sure I'll get some action from my wife tonight :)

Which Pulp Fiction character are you?

Your inner child screams for cartoons and sugary cereals, but your adult tastes love the buzz of quality mind altering substances. Sooner or later, you're going to have to grow up, at least a bit. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

Hmmm..interesting. I guess because I am not packing any heat, nor have I been raped by any hillbillies, I cannot qualify for any of the "cool" characters. I always answer honestly in these stupid quizzes. I need to be more...liberal..with my responses!

C'est La Vie.