Woo hoo! I'm the official Doug Christie hater!

Ok, so if you dont like the NBA..this post wont make any sense to you (sorry)..and even then, you need to know your basketball players and knowledge. But uh..I am on a basketball board called hoopsworld..where I get all my NBA news and trade rumors and so forth..and there is/was an official draft for people you hate (lame..but fun..trust me)..and I drafted Doug Christie with the 10th pick! *pleased with myself*

So..uh..this is why I hate the guy...



Jackie Christie's lap must have a cape with a big red "S" spilling out of it. Or Doug must have seen God when they met. Nothing else makes sense.

On the surface, it's kind of sweet. Doug really loves the girl, and they work hard to make the relationship work. Of course, on the surface, a land mine looks a lot like a sand castle.

For those of you who missed it, Doug Christie is whipped in a manner that Kunta Kinte would laugh at. Here's a few of the things I've learned about the Christie's relationship.

Doug and his wife "talk" during the game by exchanging hand signals. These go further than a wave as Doug leaves the huddle. She has hand signals for "Shoot," "Drive the lane," and so forth.

Toronto Raptors beat reporters observed the Christies during one game, and counted 62 episodes of communication. They actually had a betting pool on it, and the winner got a Molson keg.

Jackie follows the team on road games....literally. When she isn't allowed on the bus, she carries a trip-long cell phone conversation with the poor man as she drives behind the bus.

Jackie waits for Doug after the game, and they exit the court hand-in-hand. Doug is not allowed to leave the court until he locates his wife.

Doug is not allowed to speak to female reporters...even long-time NBA vets like Jackie McMullan. If one HAS to talk to him, Jackie will stand behind him for the entire interview..."so there will be no games." Jackie "is undecided" as to whether deviant male reporters like Marv Albert can speak to her hub.

Jackie managed to get a female stat courier removed from her job when Doug was on the Raptors. The courier then launched a lawsuit against her former employer, and looks like a good bet to win it.

When not allowed into the locker room, Jackie sends a note back to Doug, who writes a reply.

The Christies have an elaborate wedding ceremony every July 8th, complete with cake, church, honeymoon, etc...

She attacked a female autograph seeker who wanted Doug's John Hancock....which was a little too phallic for Jackie C. A security guard was forced to intervene.

"Doug is allowed to look at other females, although I prefer he didn't." Jackie also refers to Doug as "my territory."

Doug can not speak to any other female. He also avoids eye contact. If Doug has a heart attack and is taken to a female doctor, he has been instructed to die.

When King's officials laughed off Jackie's insistence that all female staff be fired, Doug began dressing in a separate dressing room.

As Mrs. Christie is a heavy sleeper, Doug allows himself to be chained to the bed beside her every night. He sleeps with his unit in a tub of ice, to prevent him from dreaming about other women.

Doug's penis was removed during a radical 2002 surgery, and is kept in Jackie's purse unless Doug needs to urinate.

Ok so some of those are BS. That said..he represents most everything the Lakers hated about the Queens and I think he is the biggest b*tch in the NBA. :) I love hating him!!!

PS - Doug looks like a pretty mellow guy, but I'll lay 2:1 odds on Jackie being cut into hamburger with a chainsaw on the day that Doug finally snaps.