My Hotmail inbox..

Though I never asked for it, strangers feel it is their duty to send my Hotmail account loads of porn. Every morning I log in, and every morning there's around ten emails sent by loving individuals who want nothing more than to increase my penis size or have me watch them fornicate. However, I only have so much time on my hands, and the competition for my attention is fierce, what, with my work, house, wife and normal life and all! However...here are a few email subjects that should be commended, with my commentary below it :)

Loads of cum everywhere, bring the mop
Ick.

Do you like pussy?, adnxfjk
Very much, fdjksjdl

Voted "Best sex site!" by USA Today
Must be time to start reading USA Today.

Cannot stop playing with my beautiful.....
What!? What!!! Good God, Tell me What!!!

.--->>JENNIFER LOPEZ ANAL SEX!!<<---O
I only liked this one because I believe the bullets at the front and back are supposed to imply a "before and after."

TAKE A PILL, GET A HUGE DICK!
I'll take ten please.

I'm waiting for you in my double-wide trailer...
You'll be waiting a very long time.

From: Nurse Michelle
Subject: Watch what I did with 2 of my patients...
I hate to admit it, but this one at least caught my attention...maybe my wife needs a nurses outfit...hmmm.

Sweet Teens And Horny Horses!!
Don't worry, the horses are of consenting age.

Women - Climax Easily Before He Does
20 bucks says I can win this bet.

Amazing scenes of butthole violation!!
A great example of "It's not what you say, but how you say it."

Tiny Holes and Giant Poles - Superstretchers!
If they're anything like Transformers, count me in!

My Sister And The Family Dog...........
The lost episode of Lassie.

HOT TWATS in the OPEN AIR only at OUR DAY CAMP.
Whoa. Now that's some fucked up imagery. Bravo!

Break Walls Apart With Your Big Cock
I can't imagine a bigger or more painful waste of time. Oh wait... You must've meant:

Shatter Her Meat Tunnel With Your Huge Husky Third Leg
I don't quite know what to address first. I guess I'll start by saying that the term "meat tunnel" is ludicrously unappealing. Far from imagining something that would draw my penis near, I can't help but envision an actual tunnel, like a sewer tunnel, draped with dangling bloody beef. No thanks. And as for my husky third leg - are you referring to my penis? Does anybody out there really want a dick so large it could be considered a third leg? Apart from frightening women and making you an object of ridicule, what would one do with such a thing? Perhaps you were going for:

Pound Her Peach With Your King Sized Cock
I suppose this is better than the two entries above, but still, are tiny dicked men under the impression that men with large penises beat, shatter and break the vaginas of those they sleep with? If so, these are the last people on earth who should be sold king size cocks. Just a thought.

Take Your New 8+ Inch Tool And Make Her Choke
After long days of working on my cock size and beating up vaginas, I sometimes forget that I can kill women with it as well. Thanks for the reminder.

Real Golden Pussy Hairs
And tended by leprechauns... I suppose the implication is that there are women out there dying their pubic hairs to please men who just have to feel like they are with "real" blondes - and that this site simply doesn't put up with such hijinks. Whew! Close one.

Meet stunning women who require you
"Require" me? For what? To live?

Chicks face looks like a glazed donut
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!

Stupid...Blonde get pumped...in her Pussy...
Who's more stupid, the blonde, or a stuttering grammarless spammer.

Boobless Bitches Eating Pussy
Are they talking about men?

Flat Chested Bitches Getting NAILED
Whoa. Check out those capital letters. They must be REALLY getting nailed.

Dripping Wet Pussies Take On Animals
I'll put ten dollars on animals in the second round.

I could go on and on..those are just the ones I have received in the past 4 or 5 days. And no..I dont visit porn sites (uh..often), buy Viagra or some other penis-enlarging pill or surgery, etc..so thank you Amazon, Yahoo, Ticketmaster and other assorted websites for selling my email to such wonderful companies.